Last night was a fairly good night. Nothing too out of the ordinary. I did in fact leave here and head to the gay coffee shop. I couldn’t wait to sit back with a cup of coffee and chat with whomever I knew. Just like the good old days when I spent almost every waking moment meeting new people here everyday. Its been about a year since I indulged myself in this fun waste of time.

I was horrified to find that the coffee shop had been taken over by what I hate the most. Little, prepubescent, anorexic, feminine, horribly loud, abnoxious, snobby guys. What happened to the days when these people only went to Detour and the real people got to go to the coffee shop and boyztown. Its almost like they’ve taken the worst stereotype of gay men and decided it was the “in thing” and it spread around the youth of the world. Its sad when I’m twenty-two years old and I get looked at by these kids with their nose in the air because I’m “old”, I’m not acceptable anymore in what they’ve decided is “their” community. I can’t wait until they turn twenty-two and have a nervous breakdown because they’ve become old! Its mostly their attitude though. I don’t judge them on their looks or on the feminine way they act. I do judge them on the fact that they hate every gay man that came before them. I’ve never had to work hard in my life to be accepted as gay. However, I do look at the men who still surround us and I think “Wow…these are the guys that gave this to us…these are the ones that fought for us” These guys who have had it even better than I did laugh at anything older than them because its apparantly “sad” to get older. I worship the idea of getting older, but only because people will finally stop grouping me by accident with these people.

I remember when I was seventeen. Nobody came out of the closet in high-school (remember this was only six years ago) for fear of death by schoolmate. We were forced to hide and wait for the moment we could get enough self esteem to say “fuck you” to these people that forced us to stay in the closet. Usually this comes when you find yourself safe in the giant gay community. These kids can’t wait to come out of the closet. Gay boys are all the rage. They are the popular ones, they are the respected ones. They are the rebels that every shchool kid aspires to be. They are worshiped by the older men that seem to prey on the young boys. They’ve never seemed to have experienced hatred and it shows in their nasty, overconfident lifestyles. I’m just saying that I wish someone would slap them in the face and let them know that they aren’t the stars of the community! That respect is earned. If one of them died today, nobody but family would care. When a sixty year old gay man dies, he’s given a heros funeral with hundreds of people showing up.

Stop ignoring us boys, because trust me…we ignore your ignorant fucking attitude first. If you want to be a star in the community…grow up and earn it!

So…anyways…I headed out to the bar. What a strange night it was at first. There were a lot of wierd people there….all of them scary. That’s never bothered me. If I were a Jesus, I’d be the first to run naked into a leper colony (That’s a metaphore…I’m neither Jesus…nor would I run into a leper colony). I’m always the first to dive head first into the darker side of life. Ross was complaining the other day that he had to work at the leather festival as a bouncer. He was worried about the VERY strange fisting and golden shower videos he’d have to see. Now, I’m not interested in that stuff, but I love to see it. Where the hell was I going with this….

Right…the normal people started showing up for the bar. The bar became normal, but not boring. Sexy coffee shop guy was there. I have the biggest crush on him. There’s just something about him though…I’m very closed to being convinced that he’s an undercover cop looking for drugs (A very fruitfull career in a gay bar). He bought me a couple beers, because he owed me a couple from last week. Now how’s last week for customer service…he’s a regular customer so I paid for him to get drunk, and then helped him into a cab so he got home safe. When was the last time your coffee shop guy ever did that for you? Not much else happened last night…

I did hang out with Rob (As in Rudy’s puppet master). I mentally rolled my eyes a lot at what he said, but still he is fun and funny. Perhaps He’s not Rudy’s puppet master, but instead Rudy is his annoying puppy dog that Rob feels he needs to train. I dunno…I’m so sick of the Rudy/Rob issue.

Ross was hilarious last night. He was about as horny as a person gets. It doesn’t help that he was completely drunk…and yes he was working. If he didn’t get laid he was doing something wrong. Working in a gay bar leads to getting laid whenever you want. He kept begging me to let me give him a blow job. He’s always good for a laugh when he’s drunk. Wierd…in the straight world its sexual harrassment…in the gay world its comedy. hmmm….

I went home and went to sleep….upon waking I did nothing all day unil now when I wrote in my journal.

Do I seem like I’m in a good mood? I feel like it….nah…its just the eight cups of coffee I just drank:)

Nope…its cause I finally did my yoga workout again. I always forget how wonderful it makes me feel.

WeeeeeEEEEEEEEeeeeeeee