Its been a quiet, easy, soothing couple of days. I’ve mostly just watched television and read my book. I’m reading Armand by Anne Rice. So far its good, but its been a hundred pages of gay sex. Not that this is a bad thing. I simply wish she would get on with it!

I was supposed to spend ample time writing my novel, painting, and reading - all that artsy stuff I sometimes feel the urge to do. I tried to write in my novel, but I’m starting to become self concsious and hate what I write. I tried painting, and hated what came out of my hands. And every time I tried to read, I would fall asleep.

I think its just too quiet around here. It always feels that way after a weekend of having numerous friends around. Always chatting, laughing - you know, friends stuff. I’m actually completely alone in my appartment, and I have no idea what to do with myself. I have absolutely no urge to do those things which usually keep me busy.

I suppose I could cruise the internet for casual sex, but that would involve gaining myself a sex - drive. As I’ve said, its all but gone. I watched some porn today. I got hard, but still no desire to have sex…or even masturbate. I was horny last night and was just about to masturbate when Jason came home. I just can’t do it with him in the room. The urge waned however, and in the end it didn’t matter, I just rolled over and went to sleep.

I actually left the house yesterday which surprised me. Usually I tend to stay in all the next day and then only shower and stuff when its time to go out again. I went for coffee with Alex, Jason, and one of Alex’s teacher friends. I can’t remember her name. We just sat and talked. Boring conversations in which they bordered on being intellectual. Stuff like “On my god…like…when a guy dates a guy…they’re like totally equal unlike man and women” and responses like “Yah, well, I knew two guys where one was like the women and one was like the man….in a straight relationship.”

I mean, we’re talking about an interesting phenomenon, but is it so hard to do more than scratch the surface. I’ve learned not to dig deeper myself. I’m ten years younger than all my friends, and they’ll just look at me with a “hello, did we say you could talk” look.

I know my friends are smarter than I make them sound. I hate dumb people, so they wouldn’t be my friends unless they were fairly brilliant. They just come accross as shallow people who assume they know everything. Occassionaly Jason and I will have fairly deep conversations. we’ll just sit on the couch with no tv or music or computers and just philosophize about everything. Alex however, talks only of boys. Everything has to do with either gay gossip, or who is or isn’t sexy. Now, I know Alex is a brilliant man, but you have to dig deep to find it in him.

Well, I’m not sure where I’m going with this rant about the conversations of my friends, or how it started. That’s what happen’s when you decide to write a post with no subject matter prepared.

I’m going to the bar later. I know this sounds like a strange thing to do on a Monday night, but its the premier of Queer as Folk tonight and in our old tradition, we’re going to watch it on the big screen with a beer in one hand and a basket of popcorn in the other. I’ve been waiting forever to find out what’s going to happen to all the characters, especially the annoying Justin. Will he live? Of course, but how will the incident of him getting beat up with a bat play out…hmmm….

Ok, so I’ve run out of things to write about, and now I have to figure out what the heck I’m going to do now. I have no urge to watch television. Perhaps I’ll read, but I really don’t feel like falling asleep. I think I’ll see who’s in the gay.com chatrooms.

I think I shall burn some incense.

Leo’s Rain