It is so hard for me to commit to blogging. I find that I occasionally feel compelled to write. At these times, I usually find myself writing quite frequently. This seems to happen approximately every three months or so, and lasts for several weeks. Then, slowly, I realize how much of a commitment it is to write frequently, and to the quality I prefer. I struggle to write, and eventually, the words just fade away.

Another huge issue I have had is my own confusion as to what I want in my journal. I have played around with many blog sights, and levels of privacy. When I first started blogging, I spilled my guts onto livejournal with no hesitation or censorship. It was a fairly strange and dark time in my life (dark in a chaotic way, not in a bad way), and I had SO much to say. There was also a huge lack of people online that I actually knew. Those that read my journal were strangers that I really had no chance of meeting.

Slowly as the years went by, more people I knew joined livejournal. The problem I found, was that I couldn’t be honest. I couldn’t spill my guts. All I could do was talk about what I did that day. It lacked the passion, beauty, and power that I felt my original posts had. I still read some of those posts, and feel the agony pouring out.

I also branched out and searched for other blogging tools–I found some I liked better (much better). But they lacked the community feeling I had at livejournal. I missed sharing my life with friends.

I struggled with this for a LONG time. Eventually, I created a blog out there that was completely anonymous and only open to strangers that found me. It has been so freeing to be doing this for the past year. However, as stated above, I miss sharing my life with people. So, I have decided to come back to Livejournal–which feels like home. In some ways, I think I will always come back to Livejournal eventually. It’s where I started, and it deserves some continuity throughout my life.

I considered making a webpage with my own domain–set up as a Weblog. But this lacked the community that I craved. So I am back for now.

I will maintain my anonymous journal, and I don’t promise that I will never take off again. However, I am back for now. And I’m very excited about this decision!

It amazes me how seriously I take blogging!

It’s a part of my life though…will be forever.