Sweet, beautiful weekend!

I’m at my parents house taking care of cats and mail. It seems as though every second week I’m somewhere house sitting while dreaming that I’m on vacation too.

It seems as though everywhere I look there’s a sign for me to head off to Vernon to visit my Grandmother. At work, two of my coworkers headed off for Vernon this weekend. My parents are in Vernon as I write. I sat down at the computer and a picture of Vernon is the wallpaper. I sit outside in the sun to find an empty bottle of milk. Something I’ve only ever seen in Vernon. Everything is telling my that its time to get onto my Grandmother’s balcony with a beer and a book and meditate on nothing but the view.

Instead, I’m still here in Calgary. However, there was a beautiful thundershower in town yesterday afternoon. I felt the collective gasp of an entire city as the heatwave dissolved into refreshing winds. The thunder resonating in everyone’s subconscious as though it were an Ice cold glass of water. Days on end of mental “rain dancing” finally proved successful.

Now, today, its sunny, but cool. Normal temperatures for us. Absolutely bearable. So, I’ve spent a good portion of the day sitting on my parents quiet porch sipping ice tea and enjoying the sounds of the suburbs.

I remember a few months ago, February I think, this house felt cold and haunted with memories. Loves lost, families gained, love gained, families lost. The cold night air made me long for warmth of men I couldn’t have. The warmth of blankets and fire places caressed me with fake comfort. The house felt sterile as a death filled hospital room.

Now, its seems alive with life. It feels like home as though it were a gigantic mother wrapping itself around me in hope. Life has sprung forth in the gardens and the memories seem to have hidden themselves for the summer. I feel joy here and the comforts of home. No more pain will touch me while I’m here.

I’m heading off to CCOP (Calgary Circle of Pagans, and let me tell you, I’m peeing myself with excitement and nerves. I’m excited to get back into the fold of things and meet new people of the pagan persuasion. Of course, I’m shy at first, so I’m nervous. The excitement is far outweighing nerves though.

I remember a couple years ago, I was invited to come to a CCOP meeting and I just couldn’t do it. I honestly felt as though I were cheating on SAPS (Southern Alberta Pagan Society). Now, however, I feel as though I’ve wasted time. I could have forged deep friendships by now. Oh well, the paths we choose always end up being the right ones. I had a lot of growing up to do, and I did it in my absence of the pagan world.

A funny thought entered my mind. A few years ago I lived with my cousin, which was a blast because we both shared religious beliefs. We did rituals and spells together and talked freely about our philosophies. I was very much in the closet though and was constantly hiding my sexuality. I felt I couldn’t reveal it. Now, I live with a gay man. I thought it would be an amazing experience, because I could be free to be comfortable in my sexuality. I was out of the closet, and I had no reason to hide it. However, my roommate is a pentecostal. He’s prejudice about literally EVERYthing. Don’t get me started. I know for a fact his feelings about pagan religions. He freely talks about them negatively.

I remember when he broke up with his last boyfriend. He said it was because “he was a pagan and started talking about high priestesses and stuff”. I didn’t say anything except “Have you ever actually read up on this religion, or taken a step back and looked at your own religion and how people laugh at your fundamentalist crap? Don’t judge until you do!”

I didn’t stand up and proclaim my religion, I still believe in the power of silence. Some ancient philosophy I picked up somewhere. I remember when Dana the mormon told me she had looked at paganism. I pulled her aside and with powerful words told her “So have I, in fact I proclaim that as my religion, but you can’t go telling people this, there’s power in the silence.” I don’t even know why I did this, I’ve never really stuck myself to rules in the past, but this one seemed to explode inside me as the truth.

There’s a sleeping giant inside of me. My religious side. Its been dormant for years, but I can feel it yawning and beginning to stretch. Look out world, because the “real” Leo’s Rain is back. Perhaps its time to be reborn unto a new name!