Okay, I’m back to normal. Well, as normal as I ever get inside my head. It really is amazing how little of my mind reaches the surface. Whenever someone mentions how strange I can be, I have to tell them that there’s an entire iceberg below what they can see. A giant clump of uniqueness that leads with winding complex mazes of thoughts to what people see on the surface.

My thoughts have been more rationale the last day or so. I’ve successfully repressed all things that were stressing me out and have completely stopped thinking about them. They’re still there though and I can feel them contantly bubbling below the surface waiting to spew.

I panicked today about choosing nursing as a profession. I’m going to do it, don’t get me wrong, but I’m panicking just like I always do when I finaly decide to go ahead with nursing. I was reading a websight and it said that all nurses had a defining moment in their life that called them to nursing.

Wow did it ever take a lot to think of my defining moment. I almost had to force them out. I simply just know that I’ve wanted to be a nurse for a long long long time. Firstly I always knew that I wouldn’t be a good doctor. I may or may not be smart enough, but I honestly don’t think I’d be good at it. However, I’ve always wanted to work in a hospital in some capacity. This began, and this is one of my defining moments, when I found a nursing textbook at my Grandmother’s house (She was a nurse). I stayed up until the wee hours of the morning fascinated by what I was reading. I remember that book very clearly and that I would secretly read it every time I was staying at her house. I was convinced it had to be secretive, because there were pictures of naked people in the book.

The second defining moment had to be when my roomates grandmother was dying. When the entire family was there, I seemed to jump into this strange automatic mode in which I rushed around making coffee, cleaning, making beds, and mostly just making them comfortable as possible, while at the same time feeling the need to be at the hospital making sure his Grandmother was comfortable as well. This was all pretty subconsious, and when Jason’s mother came up to me and said “Thank you for everything, you’ve really helped us out and made things better for us while we wait for my mother to die.” This is when it clicked in my mind of what came natural to me.

Still, there’s a lot of “sucking it up” to get used to. I’ve heard lots of stories of all the gross things they’ve done while in nursing school. I’ll get over it. It used to make me nauseous to clean up vomit until I had to work in a restaurant as a dishwasher with that as a side duty (there was a trashy lounge attached to the restaurant). After awhile it didn’t phase me, so I know that anything after awhile won’t phase me.

Well, thats all I’ll say about that. I still haven’t gotten into nursing. I still have to do a year of school with at the VERY least a B+ average. For me, thats not that easy since I become so lazy after the first couple of months at school.

By the way, I’m thinking of doing a double major in Nursing/sociology. Because I have almost half a degree, I’ll only be taking 3 or 4 courses maximum per semester. I may have time to do both. YAH for work loads!

I’ve seen a vision and a plan for me the last couple of days. I’ve always said I would never live in a house…that I was definately a condo kind of guy. However, I kept seeing myself buying a house, and not a condo. Even the thought of living in a condo seemed all wrong. I saw RRSP’s and Mutual funds…financial security and responsibility. Perhaps that is in the future hanging off the the horizion a few years from now when I finish my degree.

Did you know nurses in the states make about twice as much as in Canada…I think. I plan to do more research, but no wonder there’s such a shortage in Canada from new graduates going to the states! I’d rather be in Canada, but honestly, twice as much money is even more than I can resist!

Or I can do another dream of mine, travel the world with volunteer organizations that bring doctors and nurses to third world countries. However, volunteering doesn’t pay the student loans.

I know, I wasn’t going to talk about nursing anymore, but that’s what’s bubbling just beneath the surface of my mind.

I’m excited about the possibilities…..