And then there’s the tragedy…
There’s one other thing that has been getting me down in the ICU, more than anything else. That is the shear tragedy of the entire place. Here’s a cross section of patients that I’ve had recently.
1. A 49 year old woman who was fine one day. Then nobody heard from her in many many days. She was found several days later, face down in a pool of her own urine (that she had aspirated on as well). She had had a massive hemorrhage that even bone flaps and drains couldn’t fix.
2. A young fit women who was rock climbing without ropes or a helmet. She fell 100 feet. Very very broken. It’s amazing just how many family members will appear out of nowhere for an argument over whether someone should live or die; regardless of how estranged they are.
3. A drunk driver who slammed into a minivan who had a broken leg and a stable C7 fracture and is going through severe DTs (of course). The family of three (used to be six before the accident) that he hit was being taken care of on the other side of the unit.
4. A man that was simply walking down the street on his lunch break. A piece of construction equipment fell on him. He experienced a traumatic brain injury and is not expected to survive.
5. A young women with severe respiratory failure. Nobody knows why. They ran out of tests to run. She died. I wonder if the autopsy gave them answers?
6. Have you ever seen what a body looks like when a femoral line goes interstitial that was running high doses of levophed? Nobody noticed for two days because he was so swollen to begin with.
It goes on and on and on. It seems that not a day goes by that I don’t hear wailing coming from some distraught family. There’s also the fighting between family members. I’m finding that with these big big tragedies, the emotional walls that I have built over the years to deal with the sadness of nursing are being torn down. I need to find some better coping skills!
I PROMISE the next post will be a happy one. I swear!!!
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As a student nurse about to enter my last year, all I have to say is, “Dude - You’re *(`$#^% killing me!” Thanks for not sugar coating! I believe that even if you do not realize it, you will bring some comfort, peace and/or good will to a patient today. Be well!
Seeing those things would get me down too.
The ICU is where all the worst of the worst that survive the ED come. You’re not going to see a lot of happy endings in there. I did many years of ICU and now work in an ED setting. One thing to keep in mind is this. Some or many of your patients will be there because of their own doing. As tragic as it may be your wall climbing girl was less than smart. She made a bad choice and now has to live with the consequences. The drunk driver guy, I have to tell you after having a loved one killed many years ago by a drunk driver I don’t feel bad that guy at all. Again, people make bad choices and then bad things happen. Many patients come to the hospital because the drank too much, smoked their entire life, or engaged in high risk behaviors. They get hurt or become ill. Bad choices = Bad consequences.
Have some feelings for that poor guy walking down the street and getting injured, or perhaps the woman in respiratory failure. In the end you will toughen up and that is OK, that is how you get through the day.
Hang in there. To help illustrate my point about bad choices check this link out on my site.
http://www.healthcaretwoday.com/2008/08/cost-of-driving-drunk.html
I have to say, this is why I like the SICU. We definitely get our share of sad stories, but not nearly as many as the peeps in trauma ICUs or even MICUs. We get super sick patients, but they are healthy enough to be candidates for surgery so it’s a different population. Even still, I do struggle sometimes with the tragedy that we see, especially the long, drawn out, painful deaths. I guess it’s all part of working in an ICU. We have to develop a thick skin. Mine is getting thicker but it takes time. Tell us how you are taking care of yourself. Are you working overtime or are you spending your days off taking care of YOU? Because no one at work will, that’s for damn sure. I hope you’re able to advocate for yourself when you need to. Nurses are notoriously bad at this, I think. Reaching out to the blogosphere is one way of doing it. The next post does NOT have to be happy or positive, only honest.
It’s pretty sad just how much of an emotional wall you need to put up to do this job!
you have to be able to keep it together while you’re taking care of your patients… but afterwards… it’s okay to let it affect you, I think. You wouldn’t be human if those stories didn’t affect you.
(look what you’ve done, now I can’t stop posting
)
you aren’t the only one feeling it right now…….it is hitting me pretty hard as well.
keep on
Very well expressed.
After 20 years in ICU, the stories are still the same for me.
Yet, amongst it all, I continue to feel privileged to have participated in such a momentous time in peoples life. Rich with emotion, as grief or relief, it is often sad, but also often a time of personal satisfaction through helping people understand the surreal nature of survival or death within ICU.