I’ve been so happy lately! Its as though there is true happiness inside me, guarded by a giant combination, and lately I’ve been hearing the loud “clicks” of this combination being completed correctly. Little bit by little bit. I decided to go back to school, and a loud “click” echoed like thunder. I decided to quit my job and yet another “click”. Then after joining CCOP, it was as though another piece of the puzzle settled in place. I have no idea what happens when the combination is complete. I don’t know what the next numbers are, or when they’ll happen. What I do know is that each time I feel this thundering sensation its as though the universe is saying “YES! This is where you’re supposed to be, what you’re supposed to be doing…its finaly your time to settle into the fate set out for you.”

In fact I’m practicaly in extacy with the world around me. Literally as though I’ve woken up from a night of perfect sex. The Earth is glowing with passion and hope. My future is layed out like a train track, visible and beautiful, meant for me in every way. My cup of joy is flowing over and I can’t stop smiling. I’m so excited about school, and my new career path, and my new friends. I just bask in the glory of my own happiness, knowing that there is knowhere else I’m supposed to be. There’s simply that little “click” of intuition bubbling inside me, telling me not to change a thing. Proceed…the light is now green.

This feeling has been years in the making. I spent many years feeling so unsure about myself and everything around me. I spent so long living for today, because I just didn’t know what I would want tomorrow. I refused to plan, because I assumed the universe was against me and would break down the towers of everything I wanted. These were my towers of learning though, I built so many that had to be torn down. I had other towers to build…other lessons to learn.

And now…with these giant, booming “clicks” I feel a true foundation has been built. I used the cement of every lesson learned to make a base that was true to myself and what I wanted. Now, its time to start building, because I’ve been told that this tower will not be thrust away. It is way too pretty to even scar…to strong to even scratch. Over the years, level by level, my life will reach to the sky, perhaps even the stars. In many years I will stand on the very top level and shout to the world “I made it! I finally made a tower that won’t fall. And I love every inch of it.”

It was hard looking forward though, and I think that’s why my birthday was so hard. Subconsciously I knew that it was time to turn away from the past and focus on what was to come. With bad memories are good, intertwined and unseperable. To throw away one, is to throw away another. But its not so much that I’m forgetting my memories, but forgiving them. They will always be there, but will no longer be able to affect my decisions or my future. The are simply the decorations that hold up my future…only there like art work.

So, as I turn towards the future and say goodbye to my past, I wonder what the next great key to my puzzle will be. I wonder when the next great “click” will happen. They seem to be happening almost monthly lately…like dominoes set in motion. Each time brings more exctacy and joy and completion to my life. Or could the combination be complete? Perhaps pandora’s box is already open, and my world is already beginning to form.