I really like the picture I put on this blog. I’m referring to the picture of the nurse on the right that seems to be watching over everything I write. She is hard as stone but appears soft; she is young but is definitely mature; she looks warm-hearted but ready to dispense tough love at a moment’s notice. She has many dichotomies as most nurses do.

It’s as though she is my own personal goddess or Saint that watches over everything I do as a nurse. She follows my evolving practice. She is ready to pick me up off the floor when I’ve had a horrible day. She is ready to pat me on the back when I feel as though I’m really coming along.

Is it strange that I contemplate what a picture on my blog is doing or thinking? I think I’m just imaginative. Any opinions from the mental health nurses out there?

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They say the first year out of school is the hardest. After you’ve finished that year, you’re golden, right? You automatically become a perfect nurse, right?

 I find it hard to believe that in a couple months, my initial year out of school will be done. Some days it feels as though I’m barely ready to pass my very first nursing clinical, let alone be done school and out there working on my own!

I’m in limbo though. Some days I’m treated as the new kid on the block who doesn’t know a thing. Other days, I’m plunged into leadership positions with new staff, graduates and students lined up to ask my opinion. I’m always amazed at how much I know! I really am learning!

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Illness sometimes happens right when you need it to. For the past couple weeks I have felt dopey. My head has been foggy, and some would even say it has been “up my ass.” I have been missing details, moving slowly and struggling to put forth my best effort. And nurses always have to be at their best, right?

So, a few days ago, I came down with a nasty cold. It has forced me to lie on the couch, surrounded by pillows and a quilt, sipping tea, and watching TV. I may still be a bit sick, but my mind feels rested and much MUCH clearer. I feel ready to go!

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I have a confession. I’m supposed to be working on my critical care course right now. I have a test in a few days on the pulmonary system. Right now, I’m learning about perfusion versus ventilation, and what the different ratios between them indicate. I must say, I adore the detail of knowledge that I am gaining. This detailed anatomy/physiology that focuses the main acute care systems is much more appropriate right now than the broad scope of nursing school anatomy.

Let’s face it, it’s nice to know the anatomy of a taste bud, the structure of the eye, and how earwax is produced, but that’s really not what gets me through a shift! This course focuses on the lungs, heart, kidneys, brain, cells, and defense. This is the stuff that I work with on a daily basis—it’s my bread and butter.

I still can’t believe that here in Canada, critical care is so lacking in Universities. Many (like me) spend their entire four-year degree without stepping into or even discussing the ICU or ER. If you want to work there, you need to train for it following your Bachelor’s degree.

Edit: After actually doing the studying, I am feeling completely defeated by pulmonary physiology. This is complex stuff! 

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I have a sinking feeling that this will be ER’s last season on TV. I feel it in my gut. What will I do without ER? I even credit it with sparking my interest in nursing. I highly doubt that Gray’s Anatomy or House could ever do that!

I’m terrified about having that void in my life!

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I hate having to write an entire post twice! Yes, I did indeed type this post twice…ARG!