Ok, I didn’t wake up and get a gun. I haven’t even seen or held a gun in my life. Its just a song that I have stuck in my head. Its the theme song from “The Sopranos”, a show that has completely captivated me!

The best reason I’ve read about this phenomenon is that it is what the article called a “Macho fantasy”. I thought “hey…I’m a fairy princess…why the hell would I love a macho fantasy?” The more I thought about it though, the more I understood it. I mean, when was the last time I actually got to act like a man? I’m not a women, I’m not feminine, I have no desire to act like a women. Unfortunatetly it seems that I’ve been “conditioned” to act and feel this way by a world wide community that tells you that to be gay you must act certain ways. Now, I’ve been sucked into a fantasy life that I’ve been missing my entire life. Heck, when I was a kid I watched my friends play “army”, or “cowboys and indians”. They were training for their lives as strong, dominant men. I was much more interested in cooking, cross-stitching, and playing house. I find myself dreaming all the time, and fantasizing about being in the mafia. I picture myself as I walk through the bar…I’m the mysterious stranger. I’m on the hunt for a man that owes me money. I find him, I beat the shit out of him, I blow his head off. I would never do these things of course. It a fantasy, and the main theme of the fantasy is power. I lack power and respect from people in my life. I think this fantasy allows me to deal with that.

Then again…I have a wild crush on James Gandolfini….maybe that’s just what it is.