I will tell you the moral of the story up front: Don’t get Bell Expressvu unless you own your own house. I’m sure that goes for any satellite system.

So, the satellite installer was supposed to be here on Saturday the 18th. Because I live in an apartment, I’m not allowed to physically attach the satellite to the building. No problem, you just stick the satellite on a tripod and weigh it down.

Right before the installer gets to the apartment, he calls and says that they don’t provide the tripod. And unfortunately, he had absolutely no idea where I could get one. So, I had to start calling around for satellite tripods. Installer dude promised to call back after the next appointment to see if I wrangled one up.

I found one!

Unfortunately, according to the guy at Radio Shack, it wasn’t complete and I would have to go to home depot and buy a 4 foot by 2 inch pole to finish the tripod. Unfortunately, Home Depot only had ten foot poles, and nobody there to cut it….

And then, the installer never showed up anyway. I got a free month of service out of him not showing up though! However, running around town for a stupid pole while I SHOULD have been helping move sucked.

Fast forward one week later. The appointment has been rescheduled, and a two inch diameter by four foot pole has been found at RONA. It’s all waiting there for the installer.

When the installer arrives, there’s a problem with the permission slip. He won’t install without the slip signed, and the management won’t sign it until it’s installed and inspected. Fortunately, I convinced them to sign in, I run back and hand it to the installer.

Unfortunately, two inches in diameter (of the pole) is too big! The installer says he’ll start the wiring while I run to home depot for a new pole. I phoned first, and I find out that they have poles that are thinner, and can even be cut since the plumber is on duty! YAY!

So, off I go to home depot. On the way, while talking on the cell phone to my mom, two cars get into a HUGE accident. One comes flying toward me and misses me by a couple feet. Fortunately, we’re across the street from the Foothills Hospital, and before I can say “holy crap mom, I have to go, I just witness an accident,” ten nurses are on the cars like . There was lots of witnesses, and the ambulance was already arriving…so I didn’t feel too guilty about leaving.

I was on a mission after all!

So! I get the pole, and then spend half an hour tracking down the plumber. Thank God! He’s willing to cut it to the right size!

I get in my car, and I had left my lights on. It doesn’t start. *cry*

I try one more time to start the car, and thank the HEAVENS it started.

At this point, I start wondering if this is a sign. Is it time to accept that this satellite things just isn’t supposed to happen? No, definitely not. I love my satellite. It is the centre of my life, my M.O., my raison d’etre! I must have my satellite!!!!!!!

So, I get beck and I hand installer man my new pole (also looking around the house taking a quick inventory of computers and stuff–after all, I just left a stranger alone there for an hour).

He looks at it and said, “you got the same size”

No, it can’t be. The last one was two inches, and this one is 1 7/8 inches. It just can’t be true!!!

It was true…

So, back in the car I go, off to Home depot, I get the 1 5/8 inch tube. But where’s the plumber? He’s gone! There’s nobody there to cut it.

*inner scream!*

*pep talk*

*manage to remain calm*

I call the installer man. He feels that the six foot pipe I’m holding will work. I beg the gods to let it be so. Should I be worried that this really IS a sing?

No, no no no no no!!!

Satellite is WAY too important to me. No God, evil or good, would ever want to face the wrath of me without my satellite. Let’s face it, it’s not pretty. Besides, I’m a rebel. The more someone tells me “you can’t have satellite,” the more I want it! And the more obstacles I encounter, the more determined I become.

I get home, collapse after handing installer man the pole. He finishes a couple minutes later, I sign the work order, he leaves.

I go to take a peak at the satellite for the first time. He has broken the following rules that I told him he had to follow in order for me to have satellite here.

1.) He drilled holes in the fucking balcony!!! It says explicitly not to do so! That’s why I attached the tripod to a board and weighed it down.

2.) He neglected to put a face plate on the outside. He put it on the inside, but not the outside.

3.) The dish extends a tiny bit past the balcony’s edge. Not a lot, but just enough to definitely be a problem.

I’m pretty pissed, because now the apartment management has to come and inspect the installation. It will not pass, it will have to come down, I will have to pay for fixing the holes in the balcony, and probably the siding that holes were drilled into.

Does it help that I have my satellite now? I mean, satellite DOES make me happy.

A little bit…but not a lot…

I find Bell Expressvu customer service staff AWESOME; however, I have had absolutely nothing but trouble with the installers. The first time I had it installed was as much of a circus.

The thing is, if you own your own house, they come in, nail it to your house and leave. None of this crap that I had to go through. Hence, the moral of the story: Bell Expressvu is great! But don’t bother unless you own your house!

*Stomps away on a Dionysius style rage*