Ugh!

I just can’t seem to keep up with blogging these days!

The strike is over. I have to go back to work soon. I’m not happy. Picket pay was much better for me as a student. Flexible hours, more pay, and I was able to study on the job. Now we’re all going back, and for all intense purposes, we’ve lost the battle. Our new contract is horrible and makes me want to cry–but with half the company’s employees turning their back on us, what could we have done? I’m not sure that they understand that this crappy contract is their’s too.

School is alright. I’m totally sick of being a student nurse. MAN! I just want to get out there and actually start working. I certainly don’t feel ready, but I feel I will NEVER be ready until I just get out there and actually go through my trial by fire. My hand has been held long enough, and it’s time that I was left on my own.

Ok, in reality, there’s still about a million things to learn, but I’m just so frustrated by my lack (and need) of independence. I’m tired of having someone standing behind me, breathing down my neck at all times.

I’m in pediatrics right now. I’m working on a unit that cares for babies (0-2) with heart problems. It is totally fascinating stuff. It takes a lot more brain work than maternity (bleh). It is extremely challenging, and therefore interesting to me. Although, I still have “Oh my God the babies crying what do I do why won’t it stop!” moments. But as long as I take a step back and just remind myself that it’s ok when babies cry, I do fine.

I’m craving the adult lifestyle. I want to own a sensible car, a boring home in the suburbs, and a cute dog that I have to walk. I want to be decorating my house with annoying stylized designer Christmas ornaments while my Christmas baking cooks in the oven. My main worry would be that my mutual funds only went up 1% last year, and that I was only able to pay $150 of my whopping $200 credit card bill. Then it begins to snow…I grab some eggnog, put on the Regis Philbin Christmas CD and enjoy the glow of Christmas.

*sigh*

OR, I can just slowly pay my debt, desperately figure out how to buy groceries, and listen to the new Madonna CD.

I did apply for a new job yesterday. I decided to bight the bullet and start applying for Nursing Attendant jobs. I hate the idea of doing this, but it’s better than going back to my shitty job with the worst employer of all time. Basically, a nursing attendant gets eight patients. You go from patient to patient, bathing them, taking them to the bathroom, changing their diapers, making sure they are turned every two hours, and feeding them. Crappy job, but it’s a meaningful, rewarding, appreciated job.

I’m tired of floating around in the messy jello of “I wanna be your best friend but make profit too” management that truly doesn’t care.