Its a fuzzy, black and white, rainy day here in Calgary. Trust me though, I need it. Its been sunny and hot and in at least the high 20s for the last two or three weeks. I don’t take well to heat, so I’ve been doing a little bit of suffering. Its quite beautiful though, the refreshing rain thats dripping throughout everything thats been sunburnt for weeks. I almost forgot how much I love the smell of rain, and the feel of refreshing, humid winds.

I completely forgot the point of last nights journal entry. This happens often when I’m sitting in the bar tipsy. I’ll come up with brilliant insights and devistatingly intense topics to write about in my journal. Then *poof* when I come home; it turns into chaotic mush.

It was confirmed for me last night that Dan was dating someone. I’ve actually seen this person, and he’s a typical Dan style of boy. He’s not eighteen yet, extremely skinny, perhaps anorexic. Blond, lots of piercings. I kind of chuckled this fact off and went about my night at the bar. It hit me awhile later while I was sitting alone that Dan was ACTUALLY dating someone that wasn’t me. My heart kind of sank a couple inches, and my mind started spiralling to that darker place.

Fortunately, I’ve grown over the years and this didn’t last long. In fact it shocked me more how much this realization hit me, rather than the realization itself. I didn’t think I would ever care if Dan was dating someone. I guess it will always hurt a little bit, deep down in one corner of my heart.

Again though, Dan’s words from that vivid dream still haunt me, “Why bother, you’re just going to end up with me anyways”. Why did these words affect me so harshly, and why do they still reverberate to this day.

I still haven’t started cleaning my bedroom, or living room. I’m still not sure if I’ll get there. I’m starving and there’s no food in the house to be seen and I’m too hungry to go and get food. Perhaps I’ll just spend the day sleeping off my hunger till I get my free meal at work tomorrow.

Yes, you heard correctly, I’m back at work tomorrow already. This three day weekend has zipped by faster than ever before. I feel as though I’ve wasted it. I suppose if I do get around to cleaning today, it won’t feel wasted. However, then I won’t feel as though I’ve relaxed enough. I need to find a balance in there somewhere.