I can’t believe how much this job is beating me up. I have never been tested like this in my entire life. Everyday, is seems like thirty new situations are thrown at me that I am clueless about. Someone may help me out, and be glad to help…but other times I will get eye rolls and grunts because they are so “put out” by my questions. Other times I’m just left to “figure it out” which is painful and unsafe.

And the attitude of come of the nurses on the unit yesterday disgusted me. There was zero teamwork, only heavy sighs and more eye-rolling whenever anybody asked for help. This was, of course, followed by the eye-roller running to their favorite nurse/friend to gossip about how “stupid” that person is. Everyone was running around yelling at each other. Nobody was willing to cover my break, so I just had to work through.

And the charge nurse was a real treat. Picture in your mind the most stereotypical old British nun nurse. Mean, strict, seemingly ready at any time to pull out a strap and beat me. She was wearing a scrub dress. It was nearly comical, and I had to laugh on occasion when she was scolding people. I had trouble believing what I was seeing was real. Do nurses like that really still exist?

So, with me nearly in tears trying to admit patients from surgery, filling out forms and paperwork I’ve never seen before, learning a new section of the computer system, figuring out orders from pain services, creatively trying to reinforce an ileostomy appliance that was starting to fall off in an attempt to get it to hold until the ET nurses come in the morning, begging nurses to help me out with PCAs, CVCs, and TPN,and praying they won’t yell at me (accepting that their eyes will roll and they will call me stupid)….and then seeing everyone and everything around me in turmoil, yelling, eye-rolling, scolding, patients pissed, families crying…

I wanted to just walk out. I can’t even tell you how disappointed I was at the unit’s staff yesterday. And to be honest, yesterday was just the final installment in a week that showed me in bright, technicolour detail, the dark side of my unit.

It’s one of the most acute (some nurses on the brag it’s THE most acute…but who knows) surgical units in Western Canada. I feel like I’m putting in time in this hell hole of a stress bucket so that I can get huge amounts of experience that can’t be gained elsewhere. I think I will stick around and accept the difficulties so that when I want to move on to Emerg., or ICU, I will have the experience needed to take a step forward. It reminds me of “The Devil Wears Prada.” Just stay here a year and you can get a job anywhere…

By the way, I loved “The Devil Wears Prada” when I read it, but the movie is actually BETTER! So awesome!