Its late at night and I should be in bed. My alarm will be going off at 4:00am and I hate being tired. I love this time of the night though and its always sad to have to go to sleep and say goodbye to it. Its not the specific hour of the day I love, its just the routine I have before going to bed. I check my email and livejournal, then I do a couple crossword puzzles, then its a bit of reading. After all that I spend at least an hour in bed thinking deeply before I finaly drift off to sleep.

Its the stillness of it all. The fact that even though the world may still be buzzing wildly outside, its all silence in my little messy room. I create a mental nest for myself that protects me from everything bad that goes on outside. I feel truly warm and fuzzy and ready for the next day.

I spent the day dealing with university stuff. I always said that planning to go to school was much harder than being in school. I performed the final steps of what seemed like an endless process trying to get my student loans finalized. There’s contracts to sign, then mail. Two hour line-ups to stand in for a simple signature. I had to dig for tax returns, SIN cards. I had to research numbers that were on my highschool transcripts from long ago. Today, I walked in and handed the papers to the government and washed my hands of it all…so I thought. There’s a typo on my contract, and if I don’t fix it my loan will be void. So, I phoned one person who made me phone another. All in all…I’ve spoken to five people, and I still don’t know how to fix it. Even though all of them have sworn that all I have to do is call such and such a number and it will simply be fixed. I remember how much of this crap went into applying for university six years ago. I can’t imagine doing both at the same time.

Now, I love rollarcoasters, so when I say the horrible cliche “my life is like a rollarcoaster” - and it is - I don’t mean that in a negative way. The dips and turns and dives and screams and laughter are what truly makes me feel my place on this planet. Right now I feel as though I’m on a new rollarcoaster, and I’m slowly creeping up the first clackity hill….waiting…breathlessly…for the new, wild ride that I’m about to experience. However, I’m so excited about this new ride, that this first hill seems as though its taking too long. I can’t endure waiting for the rush of adrenaline that awaits me on the other side.

This hill is fairly comfortable - my life is comfortable. There’s no fear in going up hill at one mile per hour. You just look outside your car to the scenery below and wonder at how beautiful everything looks from this perch. You almost seem as though you could stay at this vantage point forever. Everything is so clear from up here - it all makes sense. But just as there’s excitement from the impending fall into fun…there’s the fear of loss. Its certainly less comfortable to be falling at fifty miles per hour.

So, for now I’ll endure the dullness of endless paperwork, and the comfort of new friends. I’ll cling to the stability of my job for two more weeks. I’ll pretend that my view will never change, even though I know I want it to…although I can’t wait to take the dive. Hopefully my new friends like rollarcoasters as much as I do and will join me for a ride…