I feel as though I’m a computer, and my user keeps opening large programs, one after another, trying to use them all at one time until finaly everything just grinds to a halt and freezes. I feel as though I’ve come to a point where there’s nothing I can do with my brain. When I talk to someone everything comes out in bits and pieces from here and there as though my brain, as I said above, is desperately trying to perfom too many functions. Instead of coherant thoughts, random tidbits of each probram gets thrown to the from.

As for whether more stuff can fit in my brain, I’m not quite sure. Right now its filled with Social Psychology and a few lyrics from that song that I’m trying to memorize…darnit…what was its name?

I have a list of everything I need to know for my midterm tomorrow. I can look down the list and as I get to each item I mentally double click on it and wait patiently for about ten seconds as my brain loads the information. I keep getting an error when I get to phrases like “retrospective-prospective sense of occurance”. No wait…my brain just found it, somewhere in the trash can, it certainly wasn’t supposed to be put there.

In case you’re wondering, I have gone completely insane. Maybe its like in the army where they “break you”. They yell and scream at you and make you do push ups…you cry and plead for your mommy…then one day your mental structure breaks down into a thousand fragments. Now, all thats left to do is to put them back together. the fun is that I get to put them together however I’d like.

We may have found a house to move into…yes a HOUSE! That makes me very excited. However, its expensive, so we need to get ourselves a third roomate. Otherwise, all I know is that is has a whasher/dryer (which makes me want to pee my pants with joy) and a garage (no more windo scraping). Its in Brentwood, walking distance from the university and c-train station. No more obscene parking fees at university…and I hope I can take the c-train to work. I’m not sure its running that early though. We’re going to go check it out tomorrow afternoon.

Here’s what else has been going on. I went to drumheller, my car broke down, my car got fixed, I got identical marks on two exams…one of which I thought I failed and one I thought I aced…both were 80% which is a B…which has me in panic mode because I need a B+ average to get into nursing, my key got stuck in the ignition of my car and we still haven’t been able to get it out, singing lessons was fun but I wish I was a perfect singer…I’m way to much of a perfectionist, They scheduled me for three shifts next week along with staff meetings and I get to do a four hour training session, I have another midterm on Wednesday, I can’t wait for CCOP on Saturday cause I’m sure it’ll get my mind off of school, I feel as though I will explode with pressure because I just don’t think I’m good enough to get a 3.25 GPA…its not for lack of effort…I spend every waking moment studying…as an extra added bonus I feel like I’m wasting all this time……

I really just want everything to stop….even for a few minutes….but I know it won’t. I also know that if it did, I would feel uncomfortable and desperately find a way to turn it back on. Its a lovely trait given to me by my mother.

we…always…must…be…spread…too…thin