I’ve discovered an irrational fear that I have. Perhaps even a neurosis, but either way it surprised me how strong it is. I can’t put a name to it though, meaning, I’m just not just exactly what I’m afraid of. There’s got to be some psyche majors out there!

I need to tell my boss that I’m going back to school full time. I’ve told myself that I’m going to do this before the end of the week no matter what happens. Well, I still haven’t done it, and there’s only two days left. I almost told Cliff at one point today. He called down to tell me he interviewed some people because two of our staff are going back to school and one is transferring departments. All I had to do was add my name to the list and be done with it. Instead I hung up the phone and had an anxiety attack. I promised myself that I would tell Adrian instead of Cliff, because I felt I had just ruined every chance I had with Cliff, now it would seem like I was being devious and had purposely not told him.

So, Adrian comes in and starts talking to me about all the plans he has and what he wants done in the next few months and that we’re going to start the process soon. “Just tell him, just tell him, just blurt it out and tell him”, I told myself as his useless droning…well…droned on and away from my focus. “What’s this wierd feeling I’m having? I’m dizzy, and light headed, and feeling weeker and weeeker…”, I snapped back to attention, realizing that I was half a second away from completely passing out.

Again, talking to Cliff, in his office about how many people we needed to hire for fall. The words kept rolling to the tip of my tongue, but then would fall to the floor, and splatter. I have to do this. Tomorrow I’ll be seeing Adrian. I’ll juts tell him that I have something to tell him and then I’ll just sit there until I can’t spit it out. I’ll bring smelling salts with me.

Today, for the first time in my life I had to give people written warnings. Understand that I’m completely against them, however, I didn’t have much of a choice, because of I was trying to save one girl’s job. The other one just made me mad.

Less than two months to school. I could pee my pants with anticipation! It will feel so incredibly good to be back…no more work stress…school stress is WAY more fun…