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Not a lot has occured in my life in the past couple of days. I suppose it could just be the reality of being the inbetween guy. To drained of energy to go out. To active, and crazy to stay in. Of course, the exhaustion always wins over any desire to leave my residence.

I’ve spent three nights in my sister’s appartment. As usual, I’ve found myself being the object of a lot more flirtations. I even chatted for hours with one man last night. Not sure if he’s my type, but of course I will pursue. He certainly seemed interested in me.

Not much is new with work this week. Except the 100% increase in buisness due to a massive convention occuring at the hotel. These busy days will fortunately make the bottom line for this month easier to take. I remembered the days when I would make fun of people that worried about bottom lines all the live long day.

One of my sister’s cats has finaly decided to be my friends, but I still can’t convince the other cat to come out from under the bed. Oh well, thats just how cats are I suppose.

As you can see, my life has been filled with purely mundane activities. I’m too busy to think about much of anything but work. I’m beginning to crave the melodrama that weekends bring me.

I’ve been entranced by the book “Aradia, or The Gospel of the Witches” Its extremely interesting reading the original words that inspired the entire neo-pagan movement. The most interested note on this book, is that it instructs one to threaten the gods if your wishes are not followed. When, and why did that change? I’ll probably understand once I’ve read the commentaries. I have a strong background in reading religious texts and I found it interesting to see exactly what can be extrapolated into what surrounds the pagan community in the present.

I’ve also been doing a small research into the theories, and pantheons of gods. I truly haven’t found anything exciting to report. I’ve never found pantheons and lists of attributes of the gods could keep my attention. To truly see the light of a God, I need to hear the entire life long tale of the deity. This is why Hinduism fascinated me. There is never a shortage of incredible stories to keep you entertained. Why is it so difficult to find an entire story of a deity?

I had an interesting meditation moment the other night. I always meditate while trying to go to sleep. I’ve tried it eslewhere and not been as successful. So, I simply lie in my bed, and I either fall into a meditation, or I fall asleep. In this particular meditation, I believe I was deeper meditation than ever previously. Nothing truly exciting occured, apart from a complete feeling of separation from my body and a complete awakening of my mind(no, not astral projection…just a lack of my body being there). My mind’s light was completely alone)and a visual of what seemed like a gravel road moving under me extremely fast as though I was flying.

So, I shall continue on in my mundane induced madness, praying that the weekend will be with me soon.

Leo’s Rain

I only slept for about 10 hours last night. I’ll regret that tomorrow when I start to get exhausted again from waking up at 4am every day. I woke up starving and surprisingly lacking in a lack of coffee headache. I watched tv, went to Subway for dinner, watched tv, and then came to write in my journal. A very typical Sunday for me.

Last night was a much better night than Friday. I was well rested, and didn’t have to be with people I despised. I woke up at 3pm, wrote in my journal, and watched “Road Rules” as I always religiously do on Saturdays. My friend Jason called, and I was off for coffee and dinner with him.

Jason’s a true friend. Hardened by years of lacking boyfriends and true love, he’s become bitter. In that fabulously hilarious way that only gay men can pull off. He’s polite, mature and intelligent. It was wonderful to sit down and have coffee with him and discuss are bitterly horrible love lives together. Alex and Erick were there as well. They are also friends, but not as close. Alex was late, so we didn’t get to have a formal dinner, just a stop at Wendy’s. Alex was off to “small change, big changes” galla dinner. They give you a small piggy bank to put your spare change in. After a few months, everyone decorates their pig, and brings it to the galla. All change going to Aids charities. Erick left right after dinner to go home and work on school work.

Jason and I went back to his place, and I hung out with his roomate while he got ready. His roomate is hilarious. Think of the butchiest lesbian you’ve ever met…she’s butchier! Straight as an arrow though. All her friends are lesbians though, and all she does is play and watch sports and action movies. I came up with a term for her. Thesbian….cause she acts like a lesbian. So, while Jason, the traditional fag got ready for two hours, we watched football and checked out football players together. I made her watch “Iron chef” of course. You can’t call yourself gay if you miss it!

We were off. We made our way to an ARGRA dance. Its the rodeo dances where everyone dresses and acts as a cowboy….or are trying to find something other than the one gay bar in Calgary. Its actually quite amazing to go to one of these dances. You look around and you can’t help but think to yourself “WOW…these are REAL people. Not the fake people with emotional masks that go to the bar with blue hair, and glitter on their face…glowsticks in tow. These are REAL men, with REAL jobs, REAL emotions, REAL bodies, REAL personalities.” You look to your left and you see a guy who you could tell just got off his tractor and snuck away from his farm family to finally be comfortable. On your right is an old man in cowboy clothes, with pain in his eyes, because he’s so lonely. Quiet and introverted. Too shy to find anyone. Lost without that special leggo piece that would complete the form of his soul. Straight ahead, is the hottest man you’ve ever seen….could it be…IT IS…its the marlborough man….only hotter. His clothes are expensive, and clean, and…..oh….he just opened his mouth and talked…thats a lesbian…oh well.

Behind me…a surprise appearance from Jeremy, my December puppy-love crush that won’t go away, forcing me to get weepier over him each time our auras mingle. Anyone who knows me…if you met him, you’d know he’s perfect for me. I’m getting better at not caring of such matters. If he doesn’t want me, thats fine, I’m more intersted in finding someone that is…not someone that I can force into it. Thats what Rudy’s trying to do right now. I’m letting him learn this lesson the same way I did. The hard way. Sometimes I wonder if in this new non-chalance to finding men, I’ve become lacking in any ability to try for a man. Perhaps Jeremy wants me as much, but I’m not even bothering giving signals. I just need a man that wants me, and tells me such, and gives me no choice but to give in to his charms, looks, and personality. I’m a dreamer….refusing to wake up. Scratch that. I was a dreamer, and now I’m going through that groggy period where you don’t want to wake up, but life is forcing you to stop hitting the snooze button.

Jason, Jeremy, Duane, and Duane’s boyfriend Chris, and I headed over to boyztown. Thats Calgary’s one true gay bar. Its like home to us, and we were ready to cozy up on our comfy couch…..the dance floor. One that didn’t involve knowing how to two-step that is. The Boyztown part of the evening is a wee bit hazy. That, of course, is when I started my Saturday ritual of drinking myself silly! All I know is that I danced a lot with Jeremy, and my crush on him got bigger. I had another beer and got over it. Then ignored Rudy, said goodnight to Jeremy, and once he left, staying seemed pointless, so I left.

and that was another night….

Sunday is almost over, and its just about time to transform from outgoing, party queen Leo, into supervisor of the crappiest starbucks on the planet!

The next week should be emotionaly interesting. I’m house sitting for my sister for a week. Her apartment is a lucky place for me in the category of love. Everytime I’ve stayed at her place I always seem to get the men I want. Hopefully this won’t change. The first time I stayed there, a man I was hopelessly in love with for some reason wanted to have sex with me again…all the time….out of the blue. Of course, I thought that this would make him fall in love with me, so I did it. I was so young and naiive when I was 20. That same housesitting period I fell a million more times in love with Dan, forgetting the sex hungry guy I mentioned a moment ago. The second time I stayed there, I fell in love with another man, and had two men fall for me. Trust me….between these moments….there was nothing….no intrest from any other man. Or maybe I just try harder when I’m there. Who knows…we’ll see.

Anyways….I must go transform into the boring dull, yet ifinitely more introspective weekday self that I must be!

Leo’s Rain