Nurse Sean (dot) com

It’s 9:30 in the morning and I panicked! I haven’t posted in more than
a month, and well, that’s just unacceptable. I have been quite
extensively distracted though…

Yesterday I did something stupid–yet amazing. I bought one of
the new G4 iBooks. SWEET! I am actually going to have a
laptop to use for school! I’m in heaven. I haven’t used a
mac in a few years. My last one was an old iMac with OS 8.6, so
it’s been a bit of work orienting myself. I’m SO happy with
everything. There were a heck of a lot of frustrating moments last
night when trying to transfer iTunes music over (all 3000 songs).
Most of the “easy ways” turned out to not work, and the hard way turned
out to be even harder than expected.

But, it’s done!

I’m really not ready for school. This year is maternity,
pediatrics and community nursing. The main problem is that I’m
really not interested in any of these topics. Oddly enough, the
only course I find interesting is the one class I’m taking that
involves the history, philosophy, politics etc. of nursing. I’m
craving a bit of theory.

I’m still on strike. It’s been about five weeks since we were
locked out. Every day on the picket line becomes increasingly
tedious. I’m getting by though, and really, who can complain
about getting paid to do nothing but stand around with a sign.

I haven’t been picketing this week though. I took the week off to
have my wisdom teeth done–something I’ve been putting off for more than
ten years. It finally came to a point in which I just couldn’t
put it off any longer. I got a big cavity in one of the teeth,
and following a few days of pain–all four wisdom teeth were
removed. There’s definitely been some pain, but all in all,
definitely not as bad as I expected.

The married life is good. I’ve been living with R. for more than a
month now. Lots of growing pains and adjustments. I’ve
realized just how much of a solitary creature I am. But, I’m sure
all will settle down into bliss soon. R. was away the other day,
and I felt lonely, I desperately missed him, and I couldn’t sleep
without him next to me. All feelings I’ve never felt before
(well, not in regards to just one night without him).

I have several Spira projects crashing down on me. They will all
coincide with the piling up of school assignments. So, I’m off to
start working on some of those.

I am reading Goldie Hawn’s book. It doesn’t so much read as a
biography, or a memoir. Instead, it’s flashes of memories–short
and quick–that let us in on vague moments in her life and what she’s
learned from those moments. To be honest, it’s quite an
interesting read.

I spent my day (one of a rare free days to myself) doing an utmost
fascinating task. I took all the pictures and documents from my
old iMac, and transfered them to my PC. Sounds easy, but I just
couldn’t get my memory stick to work on my mac (although, it should
have), so instead, I slowly uploaded hundreds of pictures from my iMac
into Gmail and sent them to myself. It took hours. I also
recovered many poems and first chapters that I’ve written. It is
so much fun to go back and see my moments of brilliant writing as well
as the absolute crap.

Several pictures (mostly of my sister’s wedding), didn’t make the trip
very well. However, I now have about 75% of them available.
Soon they will be organized into albums, and downloaded onto my iPod. I
have finaly done this! I’ve been thinking about it for a year and
a half *phew!*

One thing I noticed, was how GREAT I looked when I was younger. I
have pics going back to when I was 19 years old. Man, the years
and the pounds really sneak up on you. Oh well, age happens…get
over it. I am on the South Beach diet, and I’ve lost eight
pounds. I’m now at 210 pounds. When those pics were taken,
I was around 160-180. Big difference. However, I was on my
feet all day back then, working as a waiter, running my ass off.
Perhaps when I graduate and become an RN, I will start dropping some
pounds.

Durning the evening was a Spira ritual. I had a bit of a
leadership role. I didn’t do so well…forgetting parts
etc. But for the most part, things stayed together, and no huge
problems.

I know you all hate rain…but man…I am loving this not stop downpoor. I dread the day it becomes hot and sunny again.

Lastly, I’m waiting to hear back if I got a job in Loyalty and
Retention. Everyone cross your fingers for me. If I get the
job, I’ll explain it a little further.

Anyway, that’s a glimpse into my last few days.

Pyrsos

So, I’m still feeling a bit emotionally confused from yesterday.
I wrote a protected post about someone. Basically, a man whom I
have had feelings for for years showed up on my doorstep (just to say
hello…as a friend) but it magically brought back floods of
emotions. If you want to read it, just let me know, I’d add you
to the protected list. It really isn’t exciting enough
though…clips from long ago posts.

Anyway, today, I sit at home, still a bit sick with a sinus infectino
– the only remnant of my cold. I should be at work, but I’m
hiding. There’s BIG #$*%&$ going down there this week.
I may be on strike in a few days. We get money to picket, but I’m
going broke…and fast! I have financial commitments that need to
be met. So, I’m a little scared about that. Although, the
idea of a strike is a little exciting. I’ve never been involved
in one before, and I think it would be an interesting experience.
Plus, I hate the company I work for, and don’t really want to ever go
back there…so that side of it would be nice.

Damn the man!!!

And before you think “If you hate your job…get a new one!” That
is, in fact, a primary goal for the next few weeks. I hate the
whole process though. Interviews, applications, resumes,
refrences…etc. etc. etc. Makes me cringe at the thought.

I do have plans to head to the mall and pick up a couple items of
clothing. That will be nice. I could use some stuff.
But I’m still debating if I can spare the $100 or so in spite of the
uncertainties at work.

Tonight I have a ritual. It’s been awhile since I’ve been to a
ritual with my pagan “peeps.” I’m looking forward to it.
Two students are completing their final “drawing down” assignment, and
will soon graduate to full status within our circle. Excitement
abounds!

Yesterday, I sent out an introduction to my new students entering into
their first year on May 1st. I love teaching, and I always look
forward to this time of year when new students are eager and ready to
learn. Sadly, the majority drop out after a few weeks when they
realize that learning is work….not just fun.

Oh…but I refuse to let pessimism creep in already.

I’m going to see R. tonight. I’m pretty happy about that.
It has been about a week since I saw him last, and I truly miss
him. Sometimes it feels like he has no interest in seeing me more
than once a week. The problem is that I’m a clingy kind of guy,
and he isn’t. Now, I’ve learned my lesson in the past when a
clingy guy acts clingy around a non-clingy guy…it just doesn’t
work. So, I’m hanging back, just letting him decide when we get
together. Unfortunately, that leads to resentment and frustration
on my side. Two things that are also not so good…

Add to that, my feelings for G. that have recently bubbled to the surface, and you have one frustrated man!

Fortunately, I know that as soon as R. Hugs me, and says he missed me,
I will melt into his arms, and know that all is right in the world.

Pyrsos

I credit Their Eyes Were Watching God
by Zora Neale Hurston for solidifying my love of literature. It
sits on my shelf, like a trophy, and is pulled down every few years for
another read. I remember reading it clearly for the first
time. My English professor at the time wanted to introduce us to
feminist literature. So, we spent the semester reading books
written by women, and about women.

This particular novel was odd because it was written in southern black
dialect. By the end of the book, I loved the way the words rolled
of my tongue, flowing from my mouth, making me feel as though I were
there. I immersed myself in a culture I knew nothing about. But by the end of the book, I felt I carried a piece
of that culture in my soul.

I also took away just a little piece of every women’s soul. I’m
sure that professor…whatever her name was…would be proud.

Tonight, I watched the movie version starring Halle Barre. I will
just say, the movie did the book justice…but read the book…it’s
more fun to read aloud the words.

I finished reading Volkwagen Blues.
I still haven’t figured out what I think of it. It’s what I call
an “Onion book.” Upon first read it’s just the sweet adventure of
a man and a women. They drive from Quebec City to San
Fransisco. But, I think I need to dive into the book a couple
more times at least. Peel of the surface layers, and discover
what’s underneath. I love “Onion Books.”

As for life, It’s been busy. Friday night, I went to R’s
house. He fed me Chinese food and tea. His hugs were like
therapy. I couldn’t sleep that night though (no..not for the
reason’s you’re thinking), so while he snored gently in the background,
I stayed up reading. I only got one hour of sleep, so I called in
sick.

We spent the day driving to Bragg creak and Cochrane…me in the passenger’s seat…half asleep and dreamy.

That night was ritual…short, sweet, powerful as always.

Today I worked at the psych unit. Nothing new to report…no
interesting stories to tell. All the weirdness is becoming “same
old…same old”