Archive for the 'Relationships' Category

Published by Sean on 08 Jan 2007

Moose Jaw Men are…

pix-moose-jaw-sign.jpg

My weekend began with a call at about 9:30am on Friday. I was having a horrible day. I’m sure you know the type of day I was having–I woke up on the wrong side of the bed and the day just conspired to keep me in a cranky mood. Every word, gesture, or action by any human being just served to make me angry. The mere existence of humanity and the world itself was enough to make want to scream in rage. Yes, it was one of “those” days.

The phone call went out to R. that I needed to get the hell of the city. We had been hinting of driving somewhere on the weekend, and I knew that I needed to reinforce that idea. The comfort of R.’s voice and the knowledge of an upcoming mini road trip kept me sane for the rest of the day.

We woke up at 7:00am Saturday with absolutely no knowledge of where we would be going. I finally decided that we were just going to start driving east with absolutely no plans as to where we were going to end up, or what we would do when we got there.

I secretly hoped we would get all the way to Saskatchewan. You see, while I have been all over the world, I’ve only been to two provinces in Canada–Alberta and BC (as long as you don’t count airport visits). So, I thought it would be nice to add Saskatchewan to my short list. But, I knew it was a long way to Saskatchewan and we only had the weekend.

We hit the road with the requisite bag full of McDonalds crap. I received the Garth Brooks collection from Wal-Mart for Christmas, so I slapped in one of those CDs and away we went. I bet a lot of you didn’t know about my secret Garth Brooks obsession. It’s the only country I ever have (or will) listen too. I’ve never been a country music fan, but somewhere along the way I became obsessed with Mr. Brooks, and never let go.

The first of many Tim Hortons stops was in Strathmore. By then, R. was sick of Garth Brooks, so I put all 3298 songs on my iPod on shuffle. Strathmore was a symbolic spot for me. It’s the farthest east on the Trans Canada highway that I have ever gone. As soon as we drove east of Strathmore, the trip was officially an adventure.

Our next stop was Brooks for more Tim Hortons. OK, seriously, what is that smell? I’ve heard that Brooks, Alberta had a “smell” to it, but it still took me by surprise. So, I ask all those that may know…what the heck is that smell?

(by the way…as I type…I’m eating vegetable barley soup from Planet Organic. It’s delicious! Go get some!)

After Brooks, I started to realize that this is a really dull chunk of the Trans Canada Highway. It’s nothing like heading west into the mountains, and R. states that after Saskatchewan there’s trees and lakes etc. All I could see was farm after farm after farm. I really started wondering what the heck was the goal of this road trip. I knew that I wanted adventure and fun. I wanted to explore and to experience new places, but at this point, all I had done was eat fatty foods, drink coffee, and watch run-down farm buildings fly by.

Medicine Hat was all about stopping and eating Arby’s. I expected Medicine Hat to be bigger. Perhaps it just looked small from the Highway, but I was sure it would have some office towers, malls, and suburbs. Instead, it just looked like another small prairie town. It’s amazing how you tend to build up pictures in your mind of cities that you have heard about all your life, but have never been to. I guess one of the fun parts of road trips is seeing just how these pictures differ from reality.

A few more minutes out of Medicine Hat and *poof* we were in Saskatchewan. I can add it to my list of Canadian provinces I have been to. I expected the moment to be more exciting, but really, it was all about going from prairie to…more prairie. Saskatchewan stretched into the distance in every distance but behind and I couldn’t wait to see what this trip would bring me.

Saskatchewan immediately invoked a feeling of loneliness for me. There was a huge feeling of emptiness that surrounded me as I looked out the window. The best word I was able to use for what I was seeing was “apocalyptic.” Every building we saw looked completely abandoned. Farm houses seemed rare. There were no little tiny towns. It was as though we were the only people in the entire world.

The weather started getting bad. Clouds drifted in and created almost no visibility. Now, in every direction were dense clouds. Snow blew across the road in gusts of wind. This all added to the empty feeling as we ploughed though Saskatchewan. I had no idea what was keeping us going. Every kilometer we drove, the farther we came from home, the greater our drive back was becoming.

Swift Current was a welcome sight. We parked the van and walked through the powerful winds into an old small town mall. Swift Current was also so much smaller than I always imagined. I started to wonder why I see towns as bigger than reality.

The mall was filled with numerous old people sitting in the food court, gossiping about life. I definitely felt like an outsider as the occasional crowd of old people stopped their conversations midstream and looked at us, wondering who the hell we were. We quickly used the bathroom and got out of there.

R. finally asked the questions we were both thinking. Do we stop? Go back? Keep going? Up until that point I was thinking, “we need to stop in Swift Current. The weather’s getting worse, and we’re getting FAR from home.” but I couldn’t believe when out of my mouth spilled, “We have to go to Moose Jaw…and I’m driving.”

The weather was horrible for about an hour, but it cleared up as the sun started to sink. I couldn’t believe that we had been driving so long that we had left Calgary just after sunrise, and we would be arriving at our destination just after sunset. Not to mention, I still hadn’t discovered the purpose of our trip. While we were traversing new territory, we weren’t really exploring, discovering, or experiencing anything. Really, all we had done was sit in a car and listen to a couple hundred random songs that in some way represented my life.

Moose Jaw! I don’t know why, but I have always wanted to see Moose Jaw. So, as I drove into town, I couldn’t help but feel excited. I couldn’t believe my eyes! Moose Jaw was WAY bigger than I had expected. There were tones of houses, malls, tall office/apartment buildings. And Main Street was so cool! It was filled with old, historic buildings with big personalities. It was dark, so there wasn’t much opportunity to look around, and we were tired and numb from driving for seven hours. We found a dirt-cheap hotel, went to Boston Pizza for dinner, and went to bed.

Boston Pizza was fun. There really was a community feeling in that place. Everybody seemed to know each other, mingling at different tables. Some people seemed as though they just hung out there a lot, others seemed as though they came from their kid’s hockey game. Either way, there was a quirkiness and charm to the people and the environment.

In the morning, we were faced with a six or seven hour trip home, so we decided not to stick around too long. However, we did go for a drive around town before leaving. Once again, I was struck by the apocalyptic, empty, lonely feeling that arose in me while looking out at Moose Jaw. The buildings all seemed too big for the town. They were run down and seemingly uncared for (at least visually). However, there was an extreme beauty to these buildings at the same time. Moose Jaw was completely unique to me in a way that I just can’t put my finger on. It had the feel of a large city that had been mostly abandoned. As I mentioned earlier, the buildings just seemed too big for the city.

I realized at this point that there was no purpose, and never would be a purpose to the road trip. I hadn’t thought about work for about 24 hours and that’s what really counts. I removed television, computers, and many other stimuli that keep my brain jumping all the time. Instead, I just listened to soft music and stared out at near nothingness. This lack of stimuli relaxed and refreshed me. The lack of purpose WAS the purpose. I’m tired of always having a purpose to what I do!

The idea of small town living gained another point in my big city books. In fact, I have decided to write a book called “In search of Cicely.” I doubt it will ever happen, but I like the idea of this book. I am obsessed with the show Northern Exposure. Since I was a kid, I have wanted to live in a little teeny quirky town such as the fictional Cicely, Alaska in which the show takes place. I would love to travel Canada in search of a town that lives up to the standards that Cicely has set. It would be a fun Canadian travel book, similar to the stuff that Will Ferguson does. But, I would have to magically become a great comedic writer. If that happens, I’ll give it a try!

This trip back was fun, and pretty much exactly the same as the trip in reverse. We were a little depressed that our weekend was done, and we had nothing to show for it but a very brief memory of Moose Jaw.

All I know is that I would like to go back to Saskatchewan when I can explore a little further. Maybe next time I can see Saskatoon and Regina too!

Or perhaps we’ll go south next time…

Sean

P.S. I had many beautiful pictures of the trip but (insert long boring story here) so I don’t have them. Sorry!

Published by Sean on 02 Sep 2005

Friday September 2, 2005 at 07:35 am

It’s 9:30 in the morning and I panicked! I haven’t posted in more than
a month, and well, that’s just unacceptable. I have been quite
extensively distracted though…

Yesterday I did something stupid–yet amazing. I bought one of
the new G4 iBooks. SWEET! I am actually going to have a
laptop to use for school! I’m in heaven. I haven’t used a
mac in a few years. My last one was an old iMac with OS 8.6, so
it’s been a bit of work orienting myself. I’m SO happy with
everything. There were a heck of a lot of frustrating moments last
night when trying to transfer iTunes music over (all 3000 songs).
Most of the “easy ways” turned out to not work, and the hard way turned
out to be even harder than expected.

But, it’s done!

I’m really not ready for school. This year is maternity,
pediatrics and community nursing. The main problem is that I’m
really not interested in any of these topics. Oddly enough, the
only course I find interesting is the one class I’m taking that
involves the history, philosophy, politics etc. of nursing. I’m
craving a bit of theory.

I’m still on strike. It’s been about five weeks since we were
locked out. Every day on the picket line becomes increasingly
tedious. I’m getting by though, and really, who can complain
about getting paid to do nothing but stand around with a sign.

I haven’t been picketing this week though. I took the week off to
have my wisdom teeth done–something I’ve been putting off for more than
ten years. It finally came to a point in which I just couldn’t
put it off any longer. I got a big cavity in one of the teeth,
and following a few days of pain–all four wisdom teeth were
removed. There’s definitely been some pain, but all in all,
definitely not as bad as I expected.

The married life is good. I’ve been living with R. for more than a
month now. Lots of growing pains and adjustments. I’ve
realized just how much of a solitary creature I am. But, I’m sure
all will settle down into bliss soon. R. was away the other day,
and I felt lonely, I desperately missed him, and I couldn’t sleep
without him next to me. All feelings I’ve never felt before
(well, not in regards to just one night without him).

I have several Spira projects crashing down on me. They will all
coincide with the piling up of school assignments. So, I’m off to
start working on some of those.

Published by Sean on 06 Jul 2005

Wednesday July 6, 2005 at 09:15 pm

Have I ever sat here and raved about how much I am in love with iTunes
and my iPod? They are both so incredible. I loaded iTunes today,
and voila! It has a new podcast feature. So, now I’m
subscribed to several podcasts, and can’t wait to play around with them
some more. It’s like a make-it-yourself radio station. I
pick the shows I like, and they automatically update themselves when a
new show is ready. Add to the podcasts all my 3000 cds that I
uploaded (my entire
collection), many many audiobooks, and several hundred of my favorite
sentimental pictures. It really has become my media centre.
I hope the next step is the same thing, but with television.
Downloading whichever show I want, and when.

I think you’d need to be an iPod user to understand the power they have over their user.

In more interesting news, plans have been made for my official move to
R.’s appartment. After much debate and discussion, we have both
agreed that I would move to his basement suite. It’s dirt cheap,
which is what we both need. It may not be heaven, but it’s a
start. We’re both embarking on new, lucrative careers, and in
about two years–if all is well–we will be well positioned to buy a
wonderful house or condo.

Starting August first, I will start moving my stuff over. I
decided to overlap residences to ease the move. If you’ve ever
done this, you know the extra money is worth it! So, by September
first, I will be all moved in. That’s when the ackwardness of
learning to live together shall begin

This is all very scary! However, we spent the last five days
together and I must say, all was wonderful. Five days is a long
way from a lifetime though. I am, however, the type to just take
the plunge. No waffling for me.

So, let the moving begin. Ugh!

Published by Sean on 30 Jun 2005

Thursday June 30, 2005 at 10:14 am

I have nothing better to do, so I figured I would post. It’s been
an intensly boring week. I really haven’t done much. I
haven’t seen R. since Monday, but it feels like a freakin’
eternity! Thank goodness I’m with him from tonight until Monday.

It seems that every time I go home (I spend weekends with him) it’s
harder to say goodbye. I think we need to talk this weekend and
solidify a timeline for moving in together. I’m very
excited. What a huge step.

I’m hoping he wants to move to a new a new appartment. He keeps
talking about just staying where he is, but I’m really no fan of his
place. It’s a basement suite, on a busy road. It’s loud,
and dark, and small, and smells like mildew since the flooding.
There’s so many beautiful communities to move to, it’s just a matter of
convincing him that we should do so.

As much as I’m completely in love with him, I still have that “pulled
in two directions” feel that men tend to get. Should I settle, or
should I go back to the adrenaline filled life of bachelorhood. I
know I want to, and need to, and WILL settle into a wonderful life with
R. However, I believe all men always have that little voice in
the back of their head that says “spread your seed.”

I like to think I’m civilized, so I can resist the little voices.

Work has been silly this week. I haven’t really worked at
all. I’ve sat in my desk and read poetry, and written a bit as
well. While it not be all that impressive, I adore my
stuff. It is my art, and I’m proud of myself for creating it.

Music was always my specialty, not words. But I crave words as
strongly as I crave music. Both reading, analyzing, and
writing. Perhaps one day, I will take the plunge and write a
novel. Or should that just go on the “things I always wanted to
do, but never did” list?

So, life is…well…same old…same old.

I am, in general, happy.

Published by Sean on 02 Mar 2005

Tuesday March 1, 2005 at 06:59 pm

I want to mention the man I’m dating (Yes…I’m a homo-flaming-gay-o-sexual).

He is a big bear of a man. 6′1″ 275#…typical aries…

Sweet, caring, protective, cuddly, mostly humorous. And I’m
completely falling for him. Mostly, I think, because his laundry
smells so wonderful. I call him snuggly bear because he smells
like fabric softener.

We love to cuddle while we watch tv. We like to eat food that he force feeds me like an Italian mother.

He’s older…40 years old to my 26…but I don’t let that stop
me. In fact, I tend to like the big brother feel I get when I’m
around him. Really, that big brother energy is what I find most
attractive in a man.

He says things like, “I don’t want to hurt you” and “I still don’t know
where this is going, so don’t get your hopes up.”And when he
does, it rips through my soul, mingling with the current scar
tissue. This is when I know I’m in emotional trouble.

But hey…it’s been two weeks….longest relationship so far….that’s something to be happy about.

Anyway, I need to find a glass of water…and try and convince myself it’s half full.