Nurse Sean (dot) com

This song (as you all probably know) is called “Mad World” by Gary Jules. It was originally done by Tear for Fears. I love the Tears for Fears version, but this version captures and bottles a sense of despair that really seemed to be present in the world last year.

Words can’t describe how much I have fallen in love with this song over the last few months! And the video is VERY cool! This song will always represent 2006 in my mind. It truly captures the essence of what I was feeling. There are days when the world was just too much for me. I was surrounded by people that were dying, homeless, depressed, suicidal, crazy, angry…oh the list goes on. Life was overwhelming, and at times being “numb” and going through the motions without any emotions was all I could do to get by.

BUT, it’s time to move on. 2007 is about optimisim and hope. It’s about rewiring how I see the world. The first year out of nursing school is traditionally said to be the hardest, and I really thing it will be. However, I think it will be my best. I am recognizing that the challenges in my job are exactly what keeps me going back every day. I have chosen one of the most intellectually stimulating careers out there, and I find myself looking forward to coming home and pouring over my text books, researching many of the things I experience during the day.

Practicing on your own after nursing school offers a freedom that I can’t put a price on. I love being able to do things on my own, I love knowing that when I need someone to show me a new procedure there’s no pressure of being judged or marked. I love being able to organize and prioritize my day however I feel fit. I have strong, sometimes controversial, beliefs towards some aspects of nursing practice. I am feeling so much better that I can practice with these beliefs guiding the way I work.

I think 2006 will be the year I learned exactly what I hate about nursing, and 2007 will be the year I fall in love with this profession. Last year I fell into the common trap of going to work with a negative attitude (easy when it’s all around you). This year, I feel I will be going to work every day with optimism and positive vibes.

I now know that failures and bad days only serve to bring me closer to success and happiness.

So, how did I spend my New Years Eve? During our countdown to 2007, a call bell rang. We answered on the intercom to a panicked voice shouting, “I can’t breath!” So, at exactly midnight, I was running to get a non-rebreather mask while my coworkers ran to the patient.

She was fine….

Here’s a much happier song to bring in the new year! It describes my crazy hope and optimism that is pulling me into 2007. Yes, I’m probably crazy for being so happy and excited. We all know that it just invites fate to take aim at us…right?

This is “Crazy” by Andy Bell.

Another day gone.

I hate that life seems to be on fastforward. I am also grateful
for that fact. I can’t wait to be done school, but it feels as
though my mid-twenties have been stolen from me.

I have started dreaming about my future. I see ads for cars and I
know that in a couple years, I can afford one. I see ads for
condos…and I start to see myself living there.

….in a couple years.

When it comes to focusing, I usually fail right about where the light
at the end of the tunnel begins to appear. So, I need to hold
onto those future dreams–keep them bottled up until I’m done school.

TWO MORE YEARS until I’m done! One more year until I can start
working as a nurse. Ack…that’s kind of scary. I don’t
exactly feel ready to start working.

I miss R. today. When you spend three days attached at the hip,
it becomes an issue when you suddenly find yourself alone.
It doesn’t help when you spend the morning studying
co-dependency…leads to self-diagnosis!

I have decided to buy an iPod. A completely useless purchase with
no real purpose in my life….other than pure prestige…and the joy of
owning a new electronic device. It was also the only way I could
talk myself out of buying a cockatiel. I made myself choose
between the two, and the iPod won. Both cost the same amount…

Anyway, I’m off to read my book and fall asleep. I’m reading “No
Crystal Stair: A Novel” Brilliant book, but very difficult
to get into. I’m glad I read it, but I’m not sure I would
recommend it. I know, I can be so full of contradictions.