Nurse Sean (dot) com

I am reading Goldie Hawn’s book. It doesn’t so much read as a
biography, or a memoir. Instead, it’s flashes of memories–short
and quick–that let us in on vague moments in her life and what she’s
learned from those moments. To be honest, it’s quite an
interesting read.

I spent my day (one of a rare free days to myself) doing an utmost
fascinating task. I took all the pictures and documents from my
old iMac, and transfered them to my PC. Sounds easy, but I just
couldn’t get my memory stick to work on my mac (although, it should
have), so instead, I slowly uploaded hundreds of pictures from my iMac
into Gmail and sent them to myself. It took hours. I also
recovered many poems and first chapters that I’ve written. It is
so much fun to go back and see my moments of brilliant writing as well
as the absolute crap.

Several pictures (mostly of my sister’s wedding), didn’t make the trip
very well. However, I now have about 75% of them available.
Soon they will be organized into albums, and downloaded onto my iPod. I
have finaly done this! I’ve been thinking about it for a year and
a half *phew!*

One thing I noticed, was how GREAT I looked when I was younger. I
have pics going back to when I was 19 years old. Man, the years
and the pounds really sneak up on you. Oh well, age happens…get
over it. I am on the South Beach diet, and I’ve lost eight
pounds. I’m now at 210 pounds. When those pics were taken,
I was around 160-180. Big difference. However, I was on my
feet all day back then, working as a waiter, running my ass off.
Perhaps when I graduate and become an RN, I will start dropping some
pounds.

Durning the evening was a Spira ritual. I had a bit of a
leadership role. I didn’t do so well…forgetting parts
etc. But for the most part, things stayed together, and no huge
problems.

I know you all hate rain…but man…I am loving this not stop downpoor. I dread the day it becomes hot and sunny again.

Lastly, I’m waiting to hear back if I got a job in Loyalty and
Retention. Everyone cross your fingers for me. If I get the
job, I’ll explain it a little further.

Anyway, that’s a glimpse into my last few days.

Pyrsos

Tegan and Sara are on my iPod. It makes for good, late-night,
winding down music. A little bit rock and roll, but still gentle,
with lyrics to sooth. I just downloaded their most recent latest
CD from iTunes. Interestingly, Tegan and Sara went to the same
high school as I did. I was in grade twelve when they were in
grade ten if I remember correctly. It was a school of about three
thousand though, so I certainly can’t claim to have known of their
existence.

I had a great day today. I slept like a baby last night. I
was exhausted from my long day of jogging, dieting, birthday parties,
and working. So, last night, it felt incredible to fall asleep in
R’s big bearish arms. I slept for ten hours straight and woke up
in his big bearish arms. We immediately hit Tim Horton’s for
coffee…

I can’t believe I have been going to Tim Horton’s. I feel like
such a Starbucks traitor. But R despises Starbucks, and I’m
always the accomidating, comprimising one, so we go to his favoritei
place — Tim Horton’s. I suppose it’s not that bad. They’re
easier to find, and I’m positive they put a secret ingredient in the
sugar…that stuff is better, and more addictive, than crack-cocaine.

We headed to Crossroads flee market. Nothing overly exciting
there. We had perogies and cabbage rolls for lunch. They
were made by an old Ukranian woman. They were incredibly
declicious. After that, we spent a couple hours browsing the
junk. Really, it wasn’t much better than your average garage
sale.
Then, it was off to Chapters. I picked up a book on Jogging that
is meant for beginners. I think it will be good for me…it gives
a thirteen week plan for getting into jogging. The plan starts
you off gently, and works you up to an hour jog. We’ll see how I
do. I’m not exactly known for my will power and level of
commitment. I also got “Wicked: The Life and Times of the
Wicked Witch of the West.”I have been listening to the music
from the broadway musical “Wicked” which is based on that book, but I
can’t quite piece together the story line (I hate that they cut out
dialogue on Broadway soundtracks…it isn’t like there’s a lot of
it!). Anyway, I can’t wait to read it.

After that….it was off to Cochrane for some ice cream. The ice cream store there makes the BEST chocolate ice cream.

Then…a lonely night of studying, Desperate House Wives, Grey’s Anatomy, and Tegan and Sara.

Just your average, gentle, rainy Sunday…

Pyrsos

Another day gone.

I hate that life seems to be on fastforward. I am also grateful
for that fact. I can’t wait to be done school, but it feels as
though my mid-twenties have been stolen from me.

I have started dreaming about my future. I see ads for cars and I
know that in a couple years, I can afford one. I see ads for
condos…and I start to see myself living there.

….in a couple years.

When it comes to focusing, I usually fail right about where the light
at the end of the tunnel begins to appear. So, I need to hold
onto those future dreams–keep them bottled up until I’m done school.

TWO MORE YEARS until I’m done! One more year until I can start
working as a nurse. Ack…that’s kind of scary. I don’t
exactly feel ready to start working.

I miss R. today. When you spend three days attached at the hip,
it becomes an issue when you suddenly find yourself alone.
It doesn’t help when you spend the morning studying
co-dependency…leads to self-diagnosis!

I have decided to buy an iPod. A completely useless purchase with
no real purpose in my life….other than pure prestige…and the joy of
owning a new electronic device. It was also the only way I could
talk myself out of buying a cockatiel. I made myself choose
between the two, and the iPod won. Both cost the same amount…

Anyway, I’m off to read my book and fall asleep. I’m reading “No
Crystal Stair: A Novel” Brilliant book, but very difficult
to get into. I’m glad I read it, but I’m not sure I would
recommend it. I know, I can be so full of contradictions.

I credit Their Eyes Were Watching God
by Zora Neale Hurston for solidifying my love of literature. It
sits on my shelf, like a trophy, and is pulled down every few years for
another read. I remember reading it clearly for the first
time. My English professor at the time wanted to introduce us to
feminist literature. So, we spent the semester reading books
written by women, and about women.

This particular novel was odd because it was written in southern black
dialect. By the end of the book, I loved the way the words rolled
of my tongue, flowing from my mouth, making me feel as though I were
there. I immersed myself in a culture I knew nothing about. But by the end of the book, I felt I carried a piece
of that culture in my soul.

I also took away just a little piece of every women’s soul. I’m
sure that professor…whatever her name was…would be proud.

Tonight, I watched the movie version starring Halle Barre. I will
just say, the movie did the book justice…but read the book…it’s
more fun to read aloud the words.

I finished reading Volkwagen Blues.
I still haven’t figured out what I think of it. It’s what I call
an “Onion book.” Upon first read it’s just the sweet adventure of
a man and a women. They drive from Quebec City to San
Fransisco. But, I think I need to dive into the book a couple
more times at least. Peel of the surface layers, and discover
what’s underneath. I love “Onion Books.”

As for life, It’s been busy. Friday night, I went to R’s
house. He fed me Chinese food and tea. His hugs were like
therapy. I couldn’t sleep that night though (no..not for the
reason’s you’re thinking), so while he snored gently in the background,
I stayed up reading. I only got one hour of sleep, so I called in
sick.

We spent the day driving to Bragg creak and Cochrane…me in the passenger’s seat…half asleep and dreamy.

That night was ritual…short, sweet, powerful as always.

Today I worked at the psych unit. Nothing new to report…no
interesting stories to tell. All the weirdness is becoming “same
old…same old”

I hate when I wake up with a pounding headache.Although, I always know what my head is asking for. Coffee!

So, here I sit gulping (not sipping) Arabia Mocha Java Starbucks
coffee from my favorite mug that has a picture of Boston on it. I
love it because I was actually in Boston when I bought it.

I still miss Boston, and think about it almost every single day.
It’s amazing how one city can grab a hold of your heartstrings and
never really let you go. I still have dreams of living
there. Something that is actually possible once I graduate
because nurses can work anywhere in the world…no worries about
immigration etc.

Boston just has this unique atmosphere to it. A place that can’t
decide if it’s rugged or sophisticated. You walk down the street,
and you don’t know whether you should read some literature, or eat a
hot dog and watch baseball. Both are equally intoxicating
there. Academia and Baseball….both so much like religion to
those folks. So much passion.

I’m reading a new book called “Volkswagen Blues” by Jaques
Poulin. An odd book so far, and I really don’t know where it’s
going. It has a dreamy quality to its writing. If you’ve
ever seen the movie “Lost in Translation” with it’s odd, slow moving,
dreamy atmosphere….well, that’s what I feel when I read this
book. The characters themselves have so much mystery to
them. You’re only given enough information about them
so that you can follow the story. I’m interested in seeing where
this book goes.

Some may notice that I’m reading a very specific selection of books. I love to read as many of the books from Canada Reads
as possible. For one thing, it is important to me to support
Canadian authors, and for another, I trust the selection
immensely. Selections range from classics to cutting edge…new
and old.

In other news…

I’ve decided that belly buttons are my favorite body part. I love
the way they look and feel. I love to poke my finger into them,
squeeze them, tickle them, and especially to slap them gently with my
hand to make interesting percussive sounds. There’s also such a
vulnerable aspect to them. Even the most rugged and tough
man/women has a belly button…proof that they were once delicate, and
dependant on their mother.

Well, it’s back to work today after almost two weeks vacation.
Not much of a vacation. I had numerous papers to write, and tests
to study for.

Ugh…back to that horrible women we call boss.

Although, I’m the first to admit that if she wasn’t my boss, I’d probably love her to death. She could be so much fun.

Ok…back to my coffee and book.

I am starting this page because I wish to be anonymous.

I have
another blog out there on the WWW, but I have found my frequency of
posting slowing down considerably. For awhile, I thought perhaps my
life just wasn’t as depressing as it was needed to write long, soulful
posts. However, I have a new theory. I think, because all my friends
now have access to my blog, I am no longer able to be completely honest
with myself.

I censor myself. I write on the surface. I am
afraid of hurting someone by what I say. So, I need to dive back into
anonymity. This is where I started from years ago when I started, and
from which, I made beautiful, revealing, powerful posts. I hope to
discover this once more.

I will start with two current
obsessions. The first obsession is with the new Tori Amos CD “The
Beekeeper. What an incredibly beautiful CD. It hasn’t received the best
of critical review. But fuck the reviewers! Absolute beauty and power
in her words and sounds. And I listen to her as I speak.

My
second obsession is the latest Margaret Atwood book, “Oryx and Crake.”
An Orwellian masterpiece!!! I’m about three quarters of the way
through, and I’m intrigued by the quiet way the book unfolds itself,
revealing pockets of information. Read it!!!

I wonder how long it will take for my friends to find me….and interesting game I am playing…