Nurse Sean (dot) com

So, I’m still feeling a bit emotionally confused from yesterday.
I wrote a protected post about someone. Basically, a man whom I
have had feelings for for years showed up on my doorstep (just to say
hello…as a friend) but it magically brought back floods of
emotions. If you want to read it, just let me know, I’d add you
to the protected list. It really isn’t exciting enough
though…clips from long ago posts.

Anyway, today, I sit at home, still a bit sick with a sinus infectino
– the only remnant of my cold. I should be at work, but I’m
hiding. There’s BIG #$*%&$ going down there this week.
I may be on strike in a few days. We get money to picket, but I’m
going broke…and fast! I have financial commitments that need to
be met. So, I’m a little scared about that. Although, the
idea of a strike is a little exciting. I’ve never been involved
in one before, and I think it would be an interesting experience.
Plus, I hate the company I work for, and don’t really want to ever go
back there…so that side of it would be nice.

Damn the man!!!

And before you think “If you hate your job…get a new one!” That
is, in fact, a primary goal for the next few weeks. I hate the
whole process though. Interviews, applications, resumes,
refrences…etc. etc. etc. Makes me cringe at the thought.

I do have plans to head to the mall and pick up a couple items of
clothing. That will be nice. I could use some stuff.
But I’m still debating if I can spare the $100 or so in spite of the
uncertainties at work.

Tonight I have a ritual. It’s been awhile since I’ve been to a
ritual with my pagan “peeps.” I’m looking forward to it.
Two students are completing their final “drawing down” assignment, and
will soon graduate to full status within our circle. Excitement
abounds!

Yesterday, I sent out an introduction to my new students entering into
their first year on May 1st. I love teaching, and I always look
forward to this time of year when new students are eager and ready to
learn. Sadly, the majority drop out after a few weeks when they
realize that learning is work….not just fun.

Oh…but I refuse to let pessimism creep in already.

I’m going to see R. tonight. I’m pretty happy about that.
It has been about a week since I saw him last, and I truly miss
him. Sometimes it feels like he has no interest in seeing me more
than once a week. The problem is that I’m a clingy kind of guy,
and he isn’t. Now, I’ve learned my lesson in the past when a
clingy guy acts clingy around a non-clingy guy…it just doesn’t
work. So, I’m hanging back, just letting him decide when we get
together. Unfortunately, that leads to resentment and frustration
on my side. Two things that are also not so good…

Add to that, my feelings for G. that have recently bubbled to the surface, and you have one frustrated man!

Fortunately, I know that as soon as R. Hugs me, and says he missed me,
I will melt into his arms, and know that all is right in the world.

Pyrsos

I ruined my diet today by eating half a litre of chocolate ice
cream. However, I think that it is only fair since I have a cold
and it’s the middle of final exams. I simply deserved it!

Actually, today was my weigh-in day. Every Tuesday I
decided. It’s been one week, and five pounds are gone. I’m
glad. Five more pounds and I will be back to where I was a couple
months ago. I think, by the time I’m done my thirteen week
jogging program, I just might be below two hundred pounds.

I got up extra early this morning to study a little before my final
exam in family nursing. Instead, my eyes remained glued to the
television, watching the moments in which the new pope was elected,
announced, and emerged to greet the crowds for the first time. It
was an extremely powerful event that gave me the shivers and goose
bumps.

Expanding on my previous post…I believe that a lot of pagans forget
that they aren’t the only ones that “raise energy” or “create
ritual.” It is obvious that the Catholic church are experts in
this, as is evidenced by watching recent events. However, they
simply define it differently than pagans. Anyway, by saying that
pagans should pay attention, I mean that we could learn something of
ourselves by experiencing the catholic rituals. Also, we may
understand Christians just a little bit more, and prevent a lot of
prejudice against them..

Have you ever seen more power, energy, and excitement than that raised
by the election of a new Pope? The world is bathed in hypnotic
energy…

seriously….

Pagans…

Take note!

Pyrsos

Tegan and Sara are on my iPod. It makes for good, late-night,
winding down music. A little bit rock and roll, but still gentle,
with lyrics to sooth. I just downloaded their most recent latest
CD from iTunes. Interestingly, Tegan and Sara went to the same
high school as I did. I was in grade twelve when they were in
grade ten if I remember correctly. It was a school of about three
thousand though, so I certainly can’t claim to have known of their
existence.

I had a great day today. I slept like a baby last night. I
was exhausted from my long day of jogging, dieting, birthday parties,
and working. So, last night, it felt incredible to fall asleep in
R’s big bearish arms. I slept for ten hours straight and woke up
in his big bearish arms. We immediately hit Tim Horton’s for
coffee…

I can’t believe I have been going to Tim Horton’s. I feel like
such a Starbucks traitor. But R despises Starbucks, and I’m
always the accomidating, comprimising one, so we go to his favoritei
place — Tim Horton’s. I suppose it’s not that bad. They’re
easier to find, and I’m positive they put a secret ingredient in the
sugar…that stuff is better, and more addictive, than crack-cocaine.

We headed to Crossroads flee market. Nothing overly exciting
there. We had perogies and cabbage rolls for lunch. They
were made by an old Ukranian woman. They were incredibly
declicious. After that, we spent a couple hours browsing the
junk. Really, it wasn’t much better than your average garage
sale.
Then, it was off to Chapters. I picked up a book on Jogging that
is meant for beginners. I think it will be good for me…it gives
a thirteen week plan for getting into jogging. The plan starts
you off gently, and works you up to an hour jog. We’ll see how I
do. I’m not exactly known for my will power and level of
commitment. I also got “Wicked: The Life and Times of the
Wicked Witch of the West.”I have been listening to the music
from the broadway musical “Wicked” which is based on that book, but I
can’t quite piece together the story line (I hate that they cut out
dialogue on Broadway soundtracks…it isn’t like there’s a lot of
it!). Anyway, I can’t wait to read it.

After that….it was off to Cochrane for some ice cream. The ice cream store there makes the BEST chocolate ice cream.

Then…a lonely night of studying, Desperate House Wives, Grey’s Anatomy, and Tegan and Sara.

Just your average, gentle, rainy Sunday…

Pyrsos

I am the first person at work today. I came in, made coffee, and now I’m sitting here listening to my iPod (God bless my iPod) and sipping coffee that I made.

I went for a jog this morning. I forgot what a huge difference exercise makes on a person’s day. Everything just seems “sharper.”You feel just a little more comfortable in your own body.

Although, it wasn’t easy to wake myself up at 7:30am this morning since I ususally get up around 10am everyday. I’m grateful I did, and I think the main reason I was able to do it was that I knew I would be grateful….and be infinitely regretful if I slept in instead.

Isn’t it amazing how one song can bring back a wave emotions? I know…I’m preaching to the choir. But MAN! I only had to listen to James Taylor’s “Fire and Rain” once yesterday and I burst out in tears. At that moment I missed Boston, I missed P., I missed that assured feeling I had that I would be moving to Boston after graduation to be with him forever. I haven’t even talked to him for about six months. I went hunting for him last night online, but couldn’t find him. It was a wierd moment.

The beginning of the Baseball season…and watching those oh-so-sentimental Red Sox play at Fenway isn’t helping either.

Today is my nephew’s first b-day party. I discovered the other day while standing in Toys-R-Us,scratching my head, and staring at a wall of toys…that I have no idea how to buy for a one-year-old. I must admit I’ve never done it before. I got him a Baby Einstein Book (On Mozart…ick…everyone knows that I’m a Beethoven kind of guy, but you do what you have to do) and a little barking dog attached to a string that he can pull along beside him while he learns to walk.

Geeze…jogging with an iPod, buying toys for my nephew, eating special K etc.

…I’m officially a yuppy!

LOL

Pyrsos

SO!!!

I have my iPod! And I must admit that I’m absolutely as
obsessed with it as I expected I would be. I bought the 30G iPod
photo. I’ve spent the last few days uploading the last of my CD’s
into iTunes and then downloading them onto my iPod. I have just
over 3000 songs on my iPod with about 20 CDs left to upload.

*phew*

I’ve also had fun dowloading pictures onto it…as well as taking more
with my digital camera. People get a kick out of my “old fashion”
camera which is only about six years old, but people give it looks as
though it was something my great grandmother owned.

“It’s SO big! Does it take good pictures?” LOL. I
spent so much money on it, that even now, years later, it takes better
pictures than most digital cameras. Even though it is big.

I took some pictures of my co-workers, and more of my research group
making our poster, and then some of R and myself. All safely on
my iPod.

iMac fever is destroying me lately. I MUST have an iMac. I
won’t do it though I can’t afford it. I guess since I don’t
have the money, I have nothing to worry about. I’m just worried
I’ll do something stupid like finance it, or put it on my credit
card. I just need to keep chanting “You have a good computer that
you love and cherish…..don’t do it….don’t do it…don’t do
it!”

I spent three days with R. over the weekend. Something
happened…I’m not sure what, but sometimes you can just physically
feel yourself falling for someone just a little bit more. We have
a pretty darn good time hanging out together.

Tomorrow we present our poster…I hope it goes over well….I’m not too worried though.

*Must not buy an iMac*

“I spent some time in the ER and the ICU as a student nurse to see if I
would enjoy it as a profession. I kept fainting.
Yes…consciousness…a key nursing skill in those areas!”

That was just a funny quote from one of our presenters in class today. She made me giggle with delight.

MAN! Am I ever tired today. Class all day long, worked on a
project, cleaned house, went shopping….now I’m going to try to stay
up and see some of the Pope’s funeral.

A lot of people don’t understand why I would do that since I’m not
Catholic. What can I say? I’m a pop culture junkie.
And lets face it, whether you want to hear it or not, the Pope’s death
has become pop culture. One of those “where were you when in
happened” moments.

Anyway, I’m still steadily loading CDs into my computer…converting
them to MP3s. I am up to about 2200 songs with about 60 more cd’s
to upload. MAN! I wish my tax return would arrive so I can
go purchase my iPod!.

*continues to wait patiently*

There is beauty in death; a strong peace that eminates from someone who
has just passed away. Like finally falling asleep after a
lifetime of tossing and turning. A thought that crossed my mind
the first time I witnessed a patient slowly slip into death.

And now, watching the Pope die, and witnessing the debate over the
women in Florida who’s feeding tube was removed, I realize that people
give it too much power. Something as natural as breathing can
spark international debate and protest. It can gather crowds with
brilliant tears to wait for its moment.

Although, there really is a particular magic in the process. Who
didn’t feel tingles all over their body as the crowds gathered in vigil
over the pope? Group conscious is an amazing thing. I think
Pagans should be jealous of the energy and power that catholics can
produce. The tradition, ritual, and spirit of their process.

Death, I can tell you, doesn’t just happen. Rather, it settles in
on a person. It sinks in like a rock into mud, or a cloud of dust
on a piece of furniture. And the moment that it happens, peace
and beauty eminates from the body. Stillness.