Wow!

I haven’t posted in about a month. For good reason!

So much was happening that there wasn’t time enough in all my lifetime to explain. So, I just let it go unsaid.

However, I will try to summarize. I have found my soul mate. My lifelong companion. Everything I’ve ever wanted in a man. We completely fell in love with each other. It was poetic, and cosmic, and beautiful. It blew my mind away.

I never fully believed in soul mates, but I do now. We are made of the same stuff.

But!

And my GOD it’s a big but. He’s been partnered to the same wonderful man for seven years. Wow, what an emotional struggle that is. He was conflicted between staying with a man he deeply loves, or running away to be with me. I was conflicted between fighting for the man I feel to the electrons in my cells that I’m supposed to be with, or just letting it be and hiding from him.

The thought of causing a relationship breakup goes against everything I stand for, and destroyed me inside. It just felt so right.

Well…emotions have destroyed us…so we’re trying logic. We’re trying to go our separate ways. Let him live his life, let me find one of my own.

Why do I feel the universe will give us no choice but to completely collide with power. Being apart just seems so wrong. It’s all so wierd. In one month, enough has happened to write an epic novel, so know that what you’ve read here is almost nothing compared to what is going on.

There’s a strange calmness to it all though. Our connection feels spiritual. And for some reason, there’s peace in that. As though when a connection is spiritual, only that which is supposed to happen, will.

I imagine so much with him. Living together, introducing him to friends/family…god they would all love him, heck! I even see us having kids. Wow do I ever want kids…

But logic now must prevail, and we must take that breath between paragraphs and wait for what happens next. It doesn’t seem tragic. It seems as though the novel of our lives is written, and we just need to wait…desperately…to find out what happens next.

Now, it would only take about three hundred more posts y’all to start understanding, fully, the situation.