Nurse Sean (dot) com

I’ve been reading too much Feuerbach. I’m starting to think like him. The title of this journal entrie is an ode to his style of thinking. He believes that religions are mankinds way of projecting their own image on a false object for the purpose or discovering human nature. I declare though, that I am projecting only what I know and only withing myself…..ok, I’ve lost me. It made sense when I was thinking it. I think I’m trying to say that I take what I know of myslelf and project it into my beliefs, rather than projecting my beliefs in order to learn…yup…still mostly lost. I suppose that I use what I know to create my beliefs rather than learn from what others tell me to believe. But the thirst for knowledge isn’t gone, I simply learn for the sake of learning, while my beliefs and spirituality change with fluid motion like the northern lights. Depending on where I stand, metaphoricaly, the colour and motion of the lights change.

What I’m saying is that my system of beliefs is not static. Many people spend eternity following a strict set of rules, however my rules can change from moment to moment. But wait…is this not a projection of my own nature? My life is for the most part unstable and changes on a week by week basis. Perhaps the way I view my spirituality is simply a matter of how I view myself. But the gaining of self-knowledge. Does it flow from me to my spirituality, or from my spirituality to me. Feuerbach would say that its a cycle. continualy bouncing back and forth in an attempt to discover myself. I think of it more as an imaginary friend that I walk with all my life….hand in hand…trading secrets.

My spirituality is a blanket that I curl up to when needed. I’m not afraid to change the blankets colour, or buy a new one, or throw it in the trash if it smells. As long as I have comfort. Spirituality is comfort, and I think that is the true projection. Your religious beliefs are merely a reflection of what you lack in life. What you need the most. If you need a father figure, I’m sure the Christian God would be thrilled to wrap its arms around you, a womb to float in…just ask for the goddess.

In general, I’m an atheist in that I own a complete lack of belief in a God, deity, or divine being/s of any sort. However, I am quite strong in the belief of the power of self, and energy, and others. Of earth…of the universe. I feel that nature holds the highest possible beauty in my mind, And the universe perfection. The universe and the nature within it is infinitely connected to itself, therefore as a part of the universe and nature, I am at once the universe.

Like a diamond, every facet is equaly beautiful and leads to the same glimmering centre, every religion is a true path towards God. God being the universe, and since the universe is one with me, I am God, infinitely connected to infinite other Gods. We are one as God, we are the universe. No matter how you like to fold that blanket or set that diamond.

Two months!

Its been two months since I last updated this journal. Have things ever changed!

I’ll get work out of the way. Its been a strange couple of weeks. I work at the Marriott hotel. Which is now in financial trouble thanks to a little plane that brought down a big building right on top of one of our largest hotels in New York. Not a happy time. They were able to get all the guests out of the hotel and all the employees out except for two. For the last few days there have been massive layoffs. One hundred and sixety people. I’m not going to give you a lengthy diatribe on how I feel about the terrorist attacks. For the most part its beyond words how I felt that day. The fear and shock. Impossible to regurgitate those emotions precisely. Also, its been done. Its been talked about. Its time to lay it to rest. Its just amazing how horrible My own personal life, and those of my coworkers are being affected. I feel as though work is a reality television show, and I’m just waiting for my turn to be voted off the island.

I’ve moved out of my parents house and I am living with Jason. So far its been its been great. No more weekly maid to do the tedious chores. I feel very comfortable in my surrounding and am loving the atmosphere. Jason and I click quite well as roomates. I just miss my cat. She’s still back at my parents place, because Jason is babysitting a couple of cats for a couple of months.

I started school three weeks ago, and am relearning to love university again. I’m taking Sociology and Religious studies. Both are fairly simple but large in the amount of work. The greatest part of univesity is going with Jason and watching him discover the university lifestyle. So far, I think he’s figured out why university is such a love/hate relationship.

I’ve been volunteering at the pumphouse theatre for the last couple of weeks. I was an usher for the musical “Cabaret”. I was so entranced by it that I watched it four times. They did an absolutely amazing job. It was also ammusing, since half the cast were close friends of mine. I’ve gotten back the acting bug that I’m still to afraid to do anything about. One day.

As for relationships, who needs it. I really truly don’t want one right now. I’m incredibly happy with my place in life, and feel no need to change it right now. Besides, it would seem nobody wants me. Except for some mystery man who bought me a beer at the bar over the weekend. I would love to know who it was. I wish he wasn’t to shy to come say hi. I wish I had the guts to buy people drinks.

Saturday night is the bear bash here in Calgary. All the bears get together to vote in next years official “Bear Calgary”. I haven’t been for a couple years, but I remember it as being a great time filled with numorous masculine men with facial hair. Who knows, perhaps I’ll get laid on the weekend. I swear, thats all I want these days. No more no less. I’m just horny, not emotionaly co-dependent.

Spiritualy, I’m in the process of redefining my beliefs. No, I’m not changing my religion. I’m still a pagan. However, I’m starting to change my own personal worldviews a little. As I discover more about myself, I realize more of what I believe. Or should that read…how I believe.

As you can see I’ve been a busy boy. School during the day, work at night, and somehow I’ve fit volunteering in that schedule. I’ve never been this busy in my life, and for some strange reason I’m absolutely loving it.